Ain't My Baggage
Ranted heavily about an hour ago. It’s odd how we bottle so much inside until the opportunity in the form of some unfortunate person presents itself, and we more or less go apeshit on that person.
It strikes me how deeply entitled we are most times. How sure we are that we are the centre of the world and all in it, so much so that we forget that we are only the centre of the world in our world and not anyone else’s.
Where there are issues is when we try to impose our main character energy on the next person. Where we get hurt, angry and even lash out realizing that we aren't or no longer the centre of the next person’s world as well. It takes us quite by surprise because we prioritize ourselves enough to put ourselves first, so why can’t they do same?
But that the issue. We don’t know what the next person is truly going through. No matter how close we are to the said person. So, while I listened to this person who I sort of cared about go on and on about how things were different between us, how I wasn’t paying him as much attention as I used to, how I didn’t seek to care when he crashed out (which he had been doing a lot), I felt a hot, white wave of anger consume me.
I felt hurt. Sad. Irritated. Royally furious. How dare he! I thought to myself. He knew nothing of what I was going through. He didn’t know that showing up every day involved me having to fight for my life first. I knew the mountain load of work I was facing, and how even more were piling on me. I knew the financial and academic pressure that I feel and face every hour of the day. I knew the worries I had because of my family and other responsibilities.
So yeah, I know the answer to this is to communicate. I know that’s probably what most of you have in your minds. Communication is the key. You can just talk it out, but I’ll explain that it didn’t stop or diminish the fact that I was bewildered at what audacity this person had to be mad. I felt annoyed that it probably felt to this person that I was probably too idle that I had nothing going on for me except having to carry the baggage of his emotions, insecurities and grievances. It aggravated me to no ends.
While I made it clear that I wasn’t invalidating his feelings or his right to feel the way he felt, I had to make it clear just how I felt being lashed at by someone who would in no way alleviate all the problems I was currently facing. He was a silent, and probably had a wave of understanding come upon him. Or not. But I sit now and wonder to myself whether or not I was mean, or if I could accommodate entitlement if it comes from certain persons.
It’s a lot and frankly, emotional baggage that is not my own is the last thing I need right now. Maybe the inhabitants of The Flame knows something to help with that? Takes. Opinions. Contradictions. All our welcome.
Jhymi🖤
Image is mine.
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Will be honest.
I've went through main character syndrome a lot in my life -- perhaps to a certain extent I still do!
Why doesn't the world revolve around ME? You are all my loyal subjects, yadda yadda, bow scrape -- you know the drill. Haha.
It is the mark of an emotionally mature person to even consider the life of someone else as the world burns around them.
One thing I will say Jhymi is sometimes we have to let people just be themselves.
I've gained a lot of peace from just letting the seeds fall as they may and watching the garden grow.
There's no point getting angered from someone that may never see the outside world like you do. Lonely as it may seem, take solace in that everyone will remember you as the girl who cared.
I guess that in itself is the issue. I'm not the girl who cared. I'm the girl who does not care, and hates that everyone thinks I should be caring so much.
I do not want to care. I mainly just want to work hard, be the best lawyer ever, provide for my family, and loved ones, and just live life. Without having to care about what this guy or the other guy thinks of me.
Perhaps I may offer you a nugget.
If other people make you feel emotion in any way shape or form
Then you care -- that's worth exploring, yes?
For example -- there are people who could message me that on discord and I'll just not answer and forget 5 mins later.
But others can totally press my buttons if they wanted to.
Because I care :)
That makes a lot of sense, Ray, and it's very apt as well. Thank you.
ooooh thats you the lawyer student ..... now everything makes sens!
Lol, it does?
yes of course ! your brightness and ambition
How frustrating and yes, self centered of him. It's hard to speak in those moments as you know it'll end up an argument - and I hate confrontation, though it's necessary sometimes to clear the air. Bloody men in particular can lack empathy or at least the ability to understand what the other person is shouldering! Saying that my hubs is better than me at seeing why people might behave as they do and he's usually sensitive of my needs. I hope you took a deep breath and either told him to f off or found another way to make him see your side of the story!
When I tell you, River, that I've encountered the most self centered of guys, lately. I'm not saying I'm not self-centred, but I at least I don't project it on anyone, and I'm just out working hard and looking out for myself.
It's just crazy how all of these things turn out, and then you find yourself with a lot of questions. After renting so hard that night, I was completely drained and had to sleep.
Wonderful piece. Sometimes, we struggle to find the energy to show up in this life. So, we must protect and channel our energy optimally.
One of the things I have learned about life is that everyone have their struggles and because they put on a smile always, cheer us even when they are down or probably showing up always like everything is fine doesn't mean life is perfect for them.
Honestly, I would have blamed lack of communication but that's not the case. Feeling entitled in any form of relationship is a big turn off for me and I always try to put people in my shoes before engaging in some kind of conversation or blaming them for not doing enough for me.
Yeah, that's the whole truth. You've got to walk a mile in someone else's shoes first before you think you know them enough to be demanding.
But I've come to terms with the fact that not everyone else thinks like that. Happy Sunday, Georgie.🌺
men boy will never be easy to live with , to deal with and to love.
but if you care they will consume you like their mama ´s milk, never enough.
considering your high level of intelligence, i pray you focus on what you really need, which is mature man who has his shit together and is caring, respectful, generous and loving.
maybe now is time to switch gear and see your worth.
Definitely working on getting better at that. I'm getting super irritated lately by guys. All of them. But I'll find a way to navigated all of these.🌺
Frankly, I just keep quiet. I understand that world now needs more listeners than they are willing to give. I mean, people would forget you’re human and expect that you just come running at the drop of a hat. Which I can’t blame them if that’s what they are now used to (especially in this country). The moment you put you first, there’s a whole lot of animosity and anger towards taking care of you.
Which is why I like the way you handled this one. Communication sometimes can only be done from a place of serious hurt and this hurt might sometimes lead to crying and in worse case scenarios, silence. But if you ask me, I don’t think letting your friend know how it’s been for you is a bad thing. I don’t know how he took it and where you two are today on your friendships but if he responded like any mature human would, then you guys can work it out.