Our last days together (CF)
One day, during lunch break, as Becca sat to eat, she suddenly felt dizzy and her head throbbed. The only boy in the school that talks to her, asked if she was okay.
"I don't know... My head hurts... And my eyes........" Before she could finish her statement, she collapsed.
This caused a stir in the cafeteria. Soon teachers came, and Becca was transported to the hospital. Her parents were called, but they were unavailable. Her only friend, Zac, called his own parents to be representatives of Becca so that treatment could commence immediately. His parents obliged, and came to the hospital.
After a series of tests had been run, Becca was diagnosed with cancer with a minimum of 6 months left to live. Becca was advised to stay at the hospital, so the doctors could watch her better.
"No, I've spent my entire life indoors. I can't stay here like a prisoner too."
"So, what do you want to do?" Zac asked her.
"I want to enjoy what's left of my life. I want to create memories that'd keep me happy in the afterlife."
"I'll do all of that with you." Zac promised.
After Becca's parents returned, and heard the news, they wanted her to stay at the hospital, but she disagreed, and asked them to let her live out her life. It was the only favor she had asked of them. They had no choice than to let their dying daughter do as she pleased.
Becca and Zac began their world tour, visiting all the places that she had always dreamed of visiting as a child.
They visited Thailand, and she had the famous pad Thai. The most iconic noodle dish she had only heard of, and seen in movies.
After a few weeks at Thailand, tasting every meal she had read of, they traveled to Paris, where she had the famous French onion soup, and the ever known croissant. She was like a happy child, who had gotten her favorite toys and candies.
Watching her, Zac felt heavy with sadness, but he didn't let it come to the surface. He wanted her to enjoy every minute they were together, so she would have those wonderful memories she had wanted.
From Paris, they visited a few more places, and finally, they came to Mexico. They lodged in an apartment that had the best view at night.
Becca ate the marinated pork of Mexico, Tacos al pastor, and she drank the wines she had only seen in movies.
That night, after touring the city of Mexico, she and Zac drove to a mountain top, and she stood there, staring into the city that beamed with colorful lights.
"There's so much to life than we know, Zac." She began slowly, and quietly. "Who could've thought that I'd visit the places I've only imagined when my death is near... It's a beautiful sight to behold." She turned to look at him, and he turned away to wipe a tear. "If I died now, up in these hills, with this lovely view, it wouldn't be such a sad death. Don't you think?"
"Stop saying such things. You still have about three months or more to live. You can't keep talking about death, like it's easy."
Becca drew Zac close, and hugged him tightly.
"You are a true friend, Zac. And you made my dreams come true. Here with you, I don't feel sad, I have no regrets also. Thank you, Zac, for creating this beautiful memories with me. I couldn't ask for anything more."
They held unto each other tightly, crying their hearts out for little time they had left to be together.
Two days later, Becca and Zac returned home, along with the favorite things Becca had gotten for herself. Her parents took time from work to be with her. They wanted her to have their undivided attention, but Becca didn't welcome that.
"Maybe if you had paid enough attention, you could've noticed when it started, but you chose to leave me with nannies. I've already had the time of my life, and I thank you for that. You don't need to do more."
Zac visited her everyday, and they played with the toys they had gotten from their tour. Occasionally, he'd drive her around the city, so she could feel the warmth of the sun.
When she got too sick, the driving stopped, but he still visited, and talked with her everyday, until the day she couldn't open her eyes anymore.
Zac was heartbroken. He wished he had more time to be with her. He had just recently became her friend, and now, she was gone.
At her funeral, he dropped one of their pictures together at Mexico on her grave.
"I hope you got the memories you wanted." He whispered, before leaving.
Source
I felt what zac felt just by reading this story. If only he had more time with her. What an emotional story.
Thanks for stopping by
This story had potential. It has emotional texture but would benefit from fleshing out the sensory world that Becca explores. More 'show than tell' ;-)
Adding a little more complexity with some deeper layers would also draw the reader in more. Within a familiar trope, you do succeed in making us feel for Becca's predicament, but the story would need a fresh approach/angle to elevate it to the next level.
There is a little confusion created regarding how old Becca and Zac might be. You refer to them as being at school, but then suddenly they are off travelling the world, driving cars, drinking alcohol... but then they return to their home town and 'play' with toys that they collected on their jouney. It's jarring and creates a disconnect with reality. Focus on keeping things consistent within your story.
Keep writing! You are honing your craft!
Thanks for the correction... I will effect it in the near future
If only Becca's parents had given her more attention maybe it wouldn't have gotten so serious. It's even sadder that when they took Becca to the hospital, they still couldn't make themselves available for her treatment to commence.
At least, Becca got some happy moments and memories. And zac is truly a good friend.
This is nice storytelling
Yeah, you're right
Her parents didn't do well at all
Thanks for
If Becca's parent paid more attention to her maybe things would have turned out different.
You're right
Thanks for reading 😊