When You Have Seen It All

Proving a point and when there is nothing to prove anymore. Sometimes they say experience is the best teacher.

Probably sharing this here will relieve me of so much bitterness but I have gotten to a point I'm like what more, there is nothing new anymore. I have seen it all.

My story, when I was doing my internship program. A suggestion came for me to stay with a close relative. She's over 80 years old. At first I didn't agree to it because I knew my freedom will be limited and most things I do on a normal day will be limited and coupled with the environment too. It wasn't conducive for me.

I prefer a peaceful and quiet environment than a noisy one and in the midst of all these I have to adjust and endure.

Yeah, I endured staying with her for two years. I wanted to leave at some point but then I knew the responsibility would still bounce back so instead I kept staying hoping for the day I would finally leave.

It wasn't an easy one taking care of her and returning to work. It felt like the whole responsibility was left on my shoulder and I was silently dying.

Each time I tried to complain, I was shut abruptly like my opinions don't matter, doesn't count especially when it comes to the part you have to do this and that but each time I took some water and drank it patiently. I was patient enough so dearly because most times when I shared my stories with my friends. They were like, did you really go through that? For someone who is so concerned about her future, I think critically and plan ahead of time but every plan I tried to make failed badly.

I could remember a certain time I lost money too, it was so much. Sometimes I felt like screaming but I couldn't. The person I was taking care of didn't give me breathing space either, she suffocated me and I lost my peace. Imagine thinking and wishing for a means for you to leave but that you can't but then doing it in the right way but sometimes I knew the responsibility will still bounce.

As young as I was, I was left with the responsibility to cater for not just myself but for the person I was taking care of plus the chores attached to it and I have to go to work too. I thought I could handle it but when I realized that there is nothing better than making yourself happy first. My focus was to make sure I made her happy as much as I could and let her enjoy her old age but the more I tried the more I got so many bad comments that weren't helpful at all and the more I was losing myself.

It wasn't helpful at all, it got to a point anything I got for myself she seems to be against it. But I always laugh over it but then I learnt a bitter lesson to always put yourself first even if it's family. I could cope by just doing the things I love and making myself happy.