Ownership Of My Own Life

Expectations have been how I lived my life for over 20 years.

Family wants you to act this way and that way, do it this way and that way. Do I really like it? The answer remains no.

As much as I love the freedom to take over my life, choosing my career path, doing what I want to do, and living my life just exactly how I want it and not just doing it because my parents want it this way and that way.

Sometimes it is really difficult how people look up to you, and sometimes your parents blame you for being the reason why your other siblings derail because you aren't showing a good example.

I could remember one of the days I was lashed upon for my younger sibling's behavior from my parents point of view; they have picked up the character from me. I laughed over it within me though most times the expectation feels like it is suffocating but then sometimes I find myself screaming out in a dessert place just to get free from the whole expectations, family values. If it were my wish, I would break each and every one of them.

Back when I was still in high school, my mother detected the clothes I should wear outside, the clothes to buy, and the shoes to wear. They all weren't what I wanted, but then I had no choice but to adapt to it. But detecting clothes for me to wear for an occasion then pushed me over the board.

There was this outing we wanted to go for; I got dressed just like everyone else, but then my mother disliked the clothes I wore. I love the dress; it made me comfortable, but she didn't listen to my explanation. She wanted me to wear a particular dress, which I hate wearing.

I told her I didn't want to wear them, but she insisted, but then I ended up not going with them, and from their point of view, I was stubborn.

Following rules and values makes me feel like a robot, it is not like there shouldn't be family values but then I still believe that any child that wants to be a bad egg will still be no matter how the parents tried.

You just have to do it just the way they want, and it's so suffocating and draining. I have lived out that stage, and it feels good to live your own life, not the life of another, do the things you love, and have your own rules.

My rules, my life.