Reckless driving - He had quite the reputation

Uncle Babs. He had quite the reputation. The notorious prodigal stepson who ran away from his father's house when he was just 14 and returned when he was 26 with the police breathing down his neck. He eventually had to leave for Malaysia by road, my mother liked to say she was sure he trekked through the desert just to prove that he was a superman. After all, he called himself ‘Super Babs’.

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We didn't even know Uncle Babs existed, until he returned from Saudi Arabia.

“Babatunde, is that really you?” we heard my mom say over the phone. She had her phone in between her ear and her left shoulder and was tying and re-tying her wrapper like she did when she was either furious or excited.

Shortly afterward, we heard her scream in excitement.

“So, when are you coming to see us?” she was pacing now, stopping to wipe non-existent dust off the top of the television set. “Let me know when you're in Lagos. I'm sending my house address to you now…the children are here” She took the phone off her ear and covered the mouthpiece with her palm.

“Does any of you want to speak with your uncle Babs?”

We shook our heads.

“Okay, they are busy,” she said after eyeing us warily. “Don't worry, you will get to see all of them when you come home…” she said putting her flip-flops on and walking outside with it.

“So, Uncle Babs was a real person?” my sister asked the minute my mom stepped out. I laughed.

“If you ask me now, who will I ask?” I asked her back, provoking further laughter.

Uncle Babs came two days later. The minute he arrived in his old model Mercedes Benz painted a conspicuous bright red; we knew it was him. He kept a full mustache just beneath his nose, but his chin was clean shaved.

“Are these the children? I know these two” he said referring to my older ones in a forced accent. “What's your name?” he asked me.

“That is Treasure,” my mother said before I could respond. “And this is Flourish,” she said pointing to my younger brother.

“Oh, it's so good to see you. I'm super excited. Super Babs is super excited, ha ha ha”. He wasn't even funny to us.

We all sat down to the meal of boiled yams and vegetable sauce that my mom had prepared not too long ago. She said it was his favorite.

Uncle Babs kept talking throughout the meal. Apart from the fact that his voice was unnecessarily loud, he kept laughing after each sentence. None of us could decipher what amused him.

After the meal, my mom called us out and said Uncle Babs was taking us shopping.

“Come on guys, hop in the car!”

What my mom didn't tell us was that Uncle Babs was a maniacal driver. My siblings and I kept bumping into each other during the ride. Apart from the speed he drove with, he increased the radio to the highest and was talking over it.

“Why can't this man just drive small small? This is Lagos o,” my older brother said after some time. None of us responded because we were all trying to stay alive.

Twice, people rained curses at him for driving so recklessly.

“Oga you're carrying children in that car o!” another one yelled at him, but he paid no attention to them. By the time we were at Shoprite, my older sister alighted and began to throw up.

“What's wrong with her?” he asked no one in particular.

“She has motion sickness” my older brother spat at him. It took another 15 minutes and a warm bottle of water to calm her down. When she was finally stable, Uncle Babs went alone to get snacks for us because none of us agreed to go with him.

“He might get carried away and forget us there,” my older brother said when he left causing us to burst into laughter for the first time. Uncle Babs tried to reduce the speed when we were on our way back, constantly turning to ask my sister if his driving was okay for her.

By the time we got back to the house, my head was pounding so I just went into the room, laid down, and slept.

I made sure to never follow Uncle Babs anywhere in his car again till he left our house.

I cannot tell if I was just exhausted or if it was the reckless driving that caused me to fall ill after that, but it is a driving experience I never want to have again.

Now anytime I see a bright red car, I am reminded of Uncle Babs and the driving experience that made me sick.