"Let Me Check With My Wife First"

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Someone we know rang the hubby's number early in the morning. I didn't listen to their whole conversation, but I heard the Farmboy say, "Let me talk to my wife first," before he hung up. It turned out that the person on the other end of the line wanted to borrow a large sum of money as he was short of funds for a city property he was purchasing.


Does that mean the husband cannot decide on his own that he needs to discuss it with me?

He can, of course, but his checking with me first shows he values and respects my opinions and wants to hear my thoughts on the matter, especially since it involves something that impacts us both. I think that's another beauty of having a life partner and a teammate with whom you share almost everything.

Anyhow, it reminded me of some folks (at the other town), who made fun of their friend just because he said, "Let me check with my wife first," when asked whether they would be attending a community party. They were pretty judgmental behind his back, saying he is a weakling and is "under the saya" (meaning the wife has the upper hand in their relationship).

I know, some people use the phrase as an excuse, especially when they don't want to decide on the spot. I do that too, in certain circumstances. But that doesn't mean I am codependent on my husband, or that I cannot have an opinion.

For us, it is a 'default action' to consult one another, especially when it is something that concerns or affects both of us. We discuss and decide on most things, even the simplest matters. It's not because of codependency, but because it's what we are accustomed to, and we believe it is a good habit in a healthy relationship.

It makes me cringe whenever I hear someone judge another as being dominated by his/her spouse because of that phrase. It's the 21st century, and some people are still stuck in the old ways. Sigh...

Lead image by Mikhail Nilov via Pexels. No copyright infringement intended. 04092025/20:56ph

thoughts letmecheckwithmywife ramblings fgdiaries respect valuingopinions relationships not-underthesaya not-codependency pob
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his checking with me first shows he values and respects my opinions

This statement sums it all up, marriage is all about partnership. I think the people that cringe over such statements are jealous because they don't have a partner they can share and doing everything with, so they look for ways to make it look like those that consult with their partners don't know what to do

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Maybe. Or they have partners, but they don't allow them to take part in the decision-making process. Just my assumption though.

!LADY

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Hahaha though some women have taken that as an advantage over their husbands and most times it doesn't seat well with the man again discussing such with them again because of the problem it has brought previously. To me is very good to tell your partner because of tomorrow but depends on the individual

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Aah, that's too bad. We shouldn't take advantage of the other, or we would lose their respect and trust.

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I think that's another beauty of having a life partner and a teammate with whom you share almost everything

This paragraph has me thinking about marrying today today. Lol😂

That's a lovely moment 👏

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It's also a good excuse if you're having second thoughts to decide sis😁😬.

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True sis :) I use it that way too, lol!

!BBH

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I think it's a green flag when someone values their partner’s opinion before making big decision. Absolutely! it is a sign of respect, not weakness. Funny how society labels things according to their choices.

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Yes. But we aren't losing hope in society. Maybe things will keep changing over time :)

!BBH

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Yes two connected should value each other thoughts when a big decision needs to be made. Ya out with the old culture and way of thinking of the long past. Were in the 21st century now, hehe

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True that :) It's like an unwritten law, isn't it?

Yes, just sad some are still way behind, hehe!

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I think it's good. It's a way of showing respect to the partner.
I just feel that .... ..... .... .... I won't say anything because I don't have a partner🤣🤣. !LOL
!PIZZA
!LUV

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Haha! That's okay, just don't rush into getting one, !LOL

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I am seeing peace, happiness and love all over your marriage, yes a woman feels loved and valued whenever the husband seeks her advice before taking a decision, that doesn't make him less a man but it shows that he understands that communication is the key to a happy family life.

But I also appreciate when a woman doesn't take advantage of that privilege given to her by the husband because he can decide to do his thing the way he wants it and no one has the right to ask him why.

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We don't have a perfect relationship, but as we grow older together, we try to make things simple for both of us :)

You're right, no one should take advantage of another. That will damage the relationship for sure.

!LADY

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Humans are imperfect so there can't be a perfect relationship but two understanding fellow will build a peaceful home as they grow.

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I really like this perspective. Marriage should be about respect and working together, not one person making all the decisions. Checking with your partner before spending money doesn’t mean weakness, it just shows love, care, and teamwork in the relationship.

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