Living with Uncertainty: A Personal Story of Health Scares and Overcoming Drug Trauma

One of my biggest fear in this life is finding out one day I've some sort of serious sickness that can't be treated. This fear has been in my mind from a long time because I do fell sick every now and then.

And a couple months ago when I had decided to leave country one of the thing that was required for me to do was "medical tests" and at that moment I was scared as hell.

Because of normal routine sickness I had this thought that what if they found some serious health issues and I'm not fit.

That would be like the end of everything but next day when medical tests report came in, it was positive and the kind of relief I felt at that moment was something else.

The time I spent being sick is like painful cause I haven't been comfortable with living since I can't eat, sleep well and other thing is that I hate drugs.

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I once overdosed myself by taking those drugs

Everytime when I fell sick back as a kid I had to take those drugs prescribed by doctor and at that time I thought it's more like part of my meal or it's something good to eat after dinner/breakfast.

So, every parents store those drugs in refrigerator and it can be accessed by anyone in the family easily.

_{image by Pexels from Pixabay}

One-day just like that I opened that refrigerator and took those drugs like all of them and the next thing I know was when my mom saw me in that condition I received a slap (asian parents wre built different).

Then she made sure it I did ate those drugs and hell yeah, I did my job. So, now I was crying and confused at the same time.

Next thing was she called taxi and went into nearby hospital and the whole way she was just telling me not to fall asleep and stay awake though I was like not feeling anything at all.

What happened at hospital

Is something I don't remember and have no idea but somehow I'm still alive. Sometimes that kid inside me wonders what could go wrong if I use all those drugs when I'm sick. I won't fall sick ever again? yea, but won't be alive for sure.

_{image by Parentingupstream from Pixabay}

From that day till now I haven't took medicines seriously like even if I'm dying from fever I'll be like I'm fine without those medicines.

It's More like PTSD even after many year's later but at this point I feel like I'm bound with those medicines.

It's nothing serious but painful like when I recover from fever, I'll have flu, when I recover from that I'll have mouth blisters which is something I hate a lot and it's not leaving me alone since childhood and it happens every month, 1 week rest (recovered) and 2 weeks with blisters and the cycle never ends.

Started to live with the fact that it's not leaving me anytime soon. So, I'll just have to ignore it since every doc I went gave more drugs and drugs but all of them never cured it permanently.

And I'm curious if anyone here have any idea what could be the reason and what should do? feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.