Forgiveness and self-love... 250

Choosing Peace Over Pain

Forgiveness is not always easy. In fact, sometimes it feels almost impossible, especially when the hurt runs deep or when the person who caused it is not even sorry. There are situations where the offender doesn’t care whether you forgive them or not. They might not care if you are hurting. They may go about their life as if nothing happened, leaving you to deal with the pain alone.

In such moments, it is not about them anymore, it becomes about you. That is something I’ve come to realize, forgiveness is not always for the other person, it’s for ourselves. When we hold on to anger, bitterness, or grudges, we are the ones carrying the heavy load. We are the ones losing sleep, feeling stressed, and replaying the hurt in our minds. The offender might be at peace, but we are the ones trapped. Forgiveness is like setting yourself free from a prison you didn’t even know you locked yourself into.

There is a kind of weight that comes with holding on to pain. It feels like carrying a stone in your heart every single day. You might wake up in the morning, get dressed, go to work or school, and smile in front of people, but deep down, there’s a heaviness you can’t shake off. That’s why learning to forgive is not just about morality or being a good person, it’s about protecting your own peace of mind.

Now, I’m not saying forgiveness means pretending nothing happened. It doesn’t mean you have to trust the person again or let them back into your life. Forgiving someone doesn’t always mean reconciling with them. It simply means you’ve chosen not to let their actions continue to hurt you. You let go, not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace.

And here’s something I’ve learned along the way, you cannot truly forgive others if you haven’t learned how to forgive yourself first. Sometimes we make mistakes, bad choices, or wrong decisions that leave us feeling guilty for years. We replay those moments over and over, wondering what we could have done differently. But holding that against ourselves doesn’t help. It only keeps us stuck in the past.

I went through something like this before. I made a decision I wasn’t proud of, and it hurt me deeply. It wasn’t easy to accept what had happened. I kept blaming myself, replaying it in my mind, and wishing I could turn back time. I couldn’t sleep well, I wasn’t happy, and it was like I was punishing myself every day. For a long time, I thought forgiving myself meant excusing what I did, but I later understood that it wasn’t about excusing it, it was about freeing myself from the chains of guilt so I could grow.

It took hearing many messages about forgiveness, both from people I trust and from my own quiet reflections, to begin the process. I started letting go little by little. It wasn’t something that happened in a day. Some days I felt lighter, other days I found myself going back to the same thoughts. But over time, I noticed a change. The pain didn’t control me as much. I could talk about what happened without breaking down. I could smile without pretending.

And that’s when I realized something important, forgiving myself was a form of self-love. It was me choosing my well-being over my pain. It was me telling myself, You deserve to heal, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to move on. I began to see my own worth again. I cared more about my growth than about holding on to the hurt. I stopped letting that mistake define me.

Self-love, I’ve learned, is not just about buying yourself gifts or saying nice things in the mirror. It is about protecting your mental, emotional, and physical health. It is about knowing when to walk away from situations that bring you pain. It is about forgiving others not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace. And it is about forgiving yourself, because you cannot build a happy life while carrying the weight of guilt and regret.

When you start loving yourself, you begin to see life differently. You stop giving so much power to people who hurt you. You make choices that bring you joy instead of constantly seeking approval from others. You spend time with people who uplift you. You speak kindly to yourself. You learn to rest when you need to. You accept that you’re human—flawed, but still worthy of love, respect, and care.

I believe forgiveness and self-love are connected. You cannot truly have one without the other. When you forgive, you make space in your heart for peace. When you love yourself, you guard that peace with everything you have.

So for me, when faced with the choice between holding on to pain or letting it go, I will always choose to let go. Not for the other person’s sake, but for mine. Because my happiness matters. My peace matters. My growth matters. And no matter what happens, I will always choose myself over my pain.

Forgiveness is not about setting them free, it’s about setting yourself free and loving yourself enough to stay that way.