Still Here: A Journey Through Doubt and Strength (My Introductory Post)

Resilient. Growing. Thriving.
These are words that best describes me. To some it might look like I’ve always had it together, like I just know how to keep moving forward. But what they don’t see is everything it took to get here.
This is me.

Hi! I’m Rachel A. Bernadas, but you can just call me “Chelle “. I work as an ESL Teacher, Virtual Assistant and a Small Business Owner. This is where I finally open my world, share bits of my life, my interest, stories, wins, and even struggles. Thanks for stopping by and joining me on this journey!

My LIFE? I’d say it feels more like walking through an endless maze. If you ever read a book where each chapter feels completely different form the last? That’s how it's been for me, each chapter filled with surprises, lessons and mix of emotions I didn’t always know how to handle. Among all those emotions are joy, sadness, anger, hope, the one that seems to linger with me the most is self-doubt. But even so, I keep turning the pages, eager to see what the next chapter brings.

I have 8 siblings, and I am the sixth among them. As far as I can remember, I spent my childhood without a complete family. We were very poor, my father had to work far away, while my mother stayed home to take care of us. Then comes the time where my father got sick and he must stop working, he was sent to a far but free facility to get a proper treatment, no one could help us financially, so each of us siblings were sent to live with different relatives.

I was sent to my father’s side of the family, at first, I was doing well there. I became a top performing student. But that didn’t last long, as I wasn’t really treated very well by my relatives and hasn’t received the support I deserved, I was an overworked child transferring from one relative's house to another relative’s house to do works.

The once bright child slowly became gloomy. Every day I desperately prayed to be reunited with my family. For years I held on to that hope and finally, God answered the desperate prayer of a child longing for her true home.

I got the chance to be with my family again; I was a third-year high school student that time. My dream of having a complete family was slowly coming true, I made some friends, which gave me the chance to experience a colorful, joyful heart. For the first time, I felt complete.

After graduating high school, my sister in Quezon City Manila supported me to come live with her. Eventually I got hired as a part-time Assistant Teacher in a private learning center for preschoolers. I went to college through my sister’s financial support and through my part-time job. I alternated my time between attending school for days and working the other days as an Assistant Teacher.

After two years, I had to return to the province because my sister and my part-time job could no longer afford my schooling. I continued college in the province with the little help of my sister for a short time and my parents, I also did a face-to-face individual tutoring to kids in our town. Unfortunately, I had to stop school again because through all the support It wasn’t enough, we really struggle financially. My younger brother was also in college that time, and my parents couldn’t afford to support both of us. As the older sister, I decided to stop and let him continue instead, as I also lost the desire to finish my course in college.

For years I stayed at home, spending time with my friends, being an active church leader, and just trying to make the most of what I had. Then I decided to look for a job in the city, I worked for a while, balanced my time between work,family,church and friends, but after some time I stopped working and became a “standby “again... then...

Year 2018, an unfortunate event took a turn in my life, what a twist. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. Some heavy situations triggered what had been sleeping inside of me. I lost interest in everything. I stayed at home, my life has stopped, never wanting to go out, didn’t have a plan about my future, I felt like I was alive, but already dying inside, I was filled with numbness, panic attacks, negativity, I felt dying with no escape and was very scared.

I spent a year more going in and out of professional checkups, taking medications that I doubt would give me a relief. But as years went by, I learned how to live with it, I won’t say I am fully healed, because messy things will always come your way and tear you apart, I learned how to face what’s inside me, make peace with it, live with it, and even use it as my greatest weapon to help others wo struggled like I did. I got tired of taking medications, so I decided to stop, even though the hardest time, I no longer depended on it. And here I am, I survived, Still Living, Still Fighting.

I was grateful that my parents, my loving siblings, my best friend, my other relatives, fought for me and never left my side. There were even people who surprised me with their care and fought for my reputation when I couldn’t fight for myself.

Year 2020, I once thought my world has ended but who would have thought? Even some people around me says I won’t make it; I stumbled to another different situation and thought it was another unfortunate run. But finally, that situation was the way and had really given me the full courage to stand up from where I was once defeated. I found the true love of my life, got married and got pregnant. I never thought I could build a family of my own since I once stop thinking about my future. Now I have a real reason to keep going, because I belong to the family I built now, not to the darkest part of my life, not to who I was. They shouldn’t have to experience the broken parts of me, they might catch a glimpse of it, but what I want them to see is how I’ve changed and how I’ve found a reason to live, for them. Life is truly beautiful and worth fighting for.

As a wife and a mom. I have lot of struggles, but I juggle through them. I work hard, always thinking of ways to take care of my family. It came in my mind to explore and break my introverted personality, I didn’t want to just be a mom and a wife, although being those is already fulfilling, but I wanted to be more, I wanted to be productive and help my husband, especially because we were feeling the pressure of our financial needs as a family. So, I searched for jobs online, anything I could find. Thankfully, after months of perseverance, I finally got a job in the Virtual Assistant world and as an ESL Teacher. I was filled with a sense of achievement. It may not be a degree or a high-level certification, but it gave me something even more valuable, the confidence I had lost and the financial progress I was hoping for.

As for now my life is still in the process and that’s okay. After everything I’ve been through, I continue to find ways to grow and improve, not just for myself, but also for the people I love. From being that little girl who lost her confidence, to a young woman struggling with anxiety and doubts, to becoming a wife and a mom, my journey hasn’t been easy. But here I am, still standing, still learning, and still striving to be better physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Now my perception in life has changed in a very better way, a deep passion in me has curated, I am now taking a course and journeying to the world about my passion, giving inspiration to people, thanks to all I've been through a true passion has ignited and cleared my confusion, hoping for the best of my future endeavor.

When I discovered this platform through @antonette, it felt like a blessing, a chance to finally tell my story, to share my thoughts freely, and maybe even reach someone who needs to hear that they’re not alone. I reached out to her for help to understand how everything works here, and I’m grateful for her guidance and patience. I met her through Facebook and oriented me how Hive works. She also made me understand that using of AI in post and engagement and plagiarism are strictly prohibited, that I need to make a quality post and quality engagement and use my original pictures, which I fully agree to keep the community authentic.

I realized that what really matters here is honesty, sharing your real voice, engaging with others sincerely, and being part of a community that understands your journey.
That excites me because it reminds me of the connections I’ve always longed for. So, everything I post here every word, every story comes from me, my own struggles, my own Triumphs. Any photos I share are also mine, though sometimes edited through Canva a bit to bring out their colors. This is me, still finding my way, but finally brave enough to share my voice. Join me as I continue this journey of healing, growing, and finding meaning, one story at a time.

Thank you for being here. 🌷