Little snippets of happy

There are people in your world who shift your perspective. Sometimes, about the grandiose, larger-than-life aspects. Sometimes, the small, minute things you think of little at the time, but end up meaning a lot. Sometimes, there are those who change your perspective for the worse (and I hope you reading this have the light and strength to sail right past that, holding true north for yourself).

I think my friend falls into the first two categories, and long may she live for it. Ours was an unnatural friendship at first, one more of politeness than anything else, yet it's grown so much. As have I, in knowing her. One of the many ways in which this person's changed my life is through her gifting habit.

A lot of us go through life thinking gifts are something to be saved for special occasions, like birthdays or anniversaries. Christmas, but isn't it sad that only comes around once a year? Much as I love giving gifts, I used to be one of those people, too.

So naturally, when this friend of mine, our friendship still blooming and new, started bringing me random gifts, I quickly got very flustered. Never grand, or expensive items. Quite often books. In fact, I think I have more books from her than I have from anyone else (huh. no wonder our friendship has gone so well). And she always acted like it was no big thing, made it out not as a gift per se, but as a "I was in the library and thought of you when I saw this". Or she'd get me a book she'd got for herself, as well.

It didn't have to be a book. Sometimes, it's some sweet treat. Recently, she brought me two coffee fruits/seeds from her coffee plant in a matchbox, with a little poem. It's got to be one of the most unique, and heartwarming, and personal gifts I've ever received.

And in time, I've gotten comfortable around this habit, but I wasn't always. The first few times, I felt very much obligated and uncomfortable. There is this idea that some people have, and that I used to have that there's a scoreboard somewhere, usually in the other person's head.

oh, here's this nice thing they've given me. I'll look a proper asshole if I show up with empty hands next time.

If it wasn't for this friend, I would've still thought like that. Trying to sort of keep up, I started getting her things, on occasion. Still stressing about it. Still not quite easy. But then, one day, I thought,

I'm not gonna do something I don't feel like doing. And if this person keeps doing this, then obviously she does it because she wants to, not because she expects something in return.

It's very pervasive, this impression that people are doing things to get theirs back, in a way. Giving compliments, exchanging gifts, buying a cup of coffee. Slowly, I weaned myself off of that thinking, and became more comfortable in the relationship. And it was that comfort that allowed me to understand what my friend got out of it...

...it wasn't the expectation of getting something in return, but the joy of bringing a little snippet of happy. Or preparing a gift for someone you love. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Scrooge, I love the holidays because I love buying gifts, arranging, wrapping, all that.

I was just stuck in this quite popular mentality that that's reserved for certain occasions.

The question keeps coming back to me, why shouldn't we seek to do more of the things we enjoy?

Being by the beach was one such thing for me. It still is, so I got to wondering why we only do it briefly, a few days a year (if we're lucky) on holiday, when we could pull a few strings, and do it for longer. So, as you know, I packed my bags and went to be by the beach for a while.

If we love making gifts, why not do it as often as occasion and budget allows? Time is so short, and you never know how long you'll be lucky to have someone in your life.

Now, I've fallen into this habit, too, and it's such a tremendous pleasure. There's something so positive about seeing something somewhere and going "Oh, X would just love this".

She brought me these a few days ago. The little satchel is for my phone, because it's got Portuguese vibes, and she knew I'd love it. The book was an accidental find. It's a collection of Russian folk tales. We met studying Russian, and the book's illustrated by an artist whose work we both enjoy. See, it's not just the object itself. It's the thoughtfulness behind it.

I'm lucky to have met (both in the real world, and on here) people who are graceful and big-hearted enough to share their light and kindness with me, and with the rest of the world. It's only by being so lucky, and by interacting with such people that we have a chance to grow.

Not only did my friend make me comfortable about receiving random gifts as a show of appreciation, and a positive interaction, she also nurtured in me the desire to gift unto others, and to share that light. I'm now her in another relationship, with an older friend, who gets very awkward around random gifts. For now. Keeps thinking I (or anyone else) would expect something in return. Not out of meanness, out of social obligation. And maybe she's right, maybe I would have thought "well, isn't so-and-so a bit of a dick for never getting me anything back" once.

But I've freed myself of that thinking, and that freedom alone feels so restorative, a better gift than I could ask for. I'm gonna go out now, as I'm meeting this second friend in the near future, and wanted to get her something. I don't know what. I don't know why.

No, actually, I do. Because I choose this good interaction over a bad one. Because I want to show her how important she is to me. Because someone was kind and patient with me once, and through that, helped me be 'good people'. And because that's how the chain grows, really.

I hope this doesn't come across as bragging, or self-whatever. It's not. I'm in a bit of a honeymoon phase with life at the moment. And most of all, I feel a profound gratitude for all the people who've given, and who've shared their light. I'm starting to feel strong enough to not only take from their light, but project my own, and I find in that such grace and joy, I write about it here. In case it fades out, this is a memento it happened.