Like nobody else | LOH #260

I'm not good at narrowing things down, not by a long shot. Just look at my writing, the way it sprawls, or the way I do on this terrace, like a well-fed cat in the afternoon sun. Greedy, loving every ray, every drop of warmth.
So then, how could I ever sum up a lifetime of knowledge into one piece of advice?

The people who've known me, known us, here for years may think "not this again", but honestly, I'm reminded often that mine has been an exceptional existence. How many people can say they really benefitted from such a terrific upbringing and such a great relationship with their mum? Not very many. I realize I'm incredibly lucky.

So naturally, when I saw this week's LOH prompt,

What's the best advice you've ever recieved from a strong woman? Describe a strong female character who inspired or inspires you.

my mind immediately went to @ladyrebecca. How could it not?

I reckon it can't be easy having children. Knowing what knowledge to equip them with, at the risk of forgetting something essential that may end up hurting them. Tough stuff. Which makes it all the more impressive to me that my mum raised someone I am so happy with and proud of. I doubt I could only tell you one piece of advice, but I can tell you a few things about mindset.

@ladyrebecca was the one who taught me to never victimize myself, to take ownership of the things I'd done, including the mistakes and the stupid things. She's the one who taught me not to expect, nor to rely - it's no good going through life thinking you can't do something by yourself. And sure, there's great value in learning how to accept and ask for help, but that shouldn't mean going through life thinking that if it's "just you", you're insufficient somehow. What a terrible thought to live with.

She's the one who taught me to question everything, and not settle for the easy answer even when I get tired of questioning.I reckon I've done quite well on that front, though I'm sure there's still things I miss. She taught me very early on that you need to keep an open mind as you go, open always to changing and to learning new things. She did so without telling me how tremendously tricky that actually is, so that I was already quite old the first time it occurred to me that's something we as humans might struggle with.

She showed me going through life as an ongoing dance with curiosity, and learning as you go, a balance between treating yourself and doing for yourself. Most importantly, she taught me how to be strong.

I'm quite proud of the difficulties I've come through (without making a song-and-dance about them, only just creatively, which is part of the metier), and I realize how easily I might've not. I realize that as hard as those times were, I still could, in the end, pull through them and survive, and all because this amazing, brilliant person taught me how to be strong and to hold myself true and proud.

They say as you grow older, you start seeing your parents as ordinary people, and that's true. Thing is, they sort of say it in a sense that you demistify them, that you stop seeing them as the giants they were to you as a toddler. You do. But that makes them all the more impressive. The more I live, the more it becomes evident to me that this is not easy. Life. It doesn't come smoothly, and the more respect and awe I have for my mum who raised me to be strong and free and curious and proud all on her own, without anyone telling her how.

When I saw the prompt, I started thinking of all sorts of women. There's so many tremendous women in our personal lives - I thought of my best friend, my grandmother, my aunt, all terrific, strong women - and in the public eye, also. I thought of people like Lzzy Hale who I, personally, think is nothing short of fantastic.

(I actually am going to see these amazing people with my amazing mum in the most amazing place in the world next month. What fucking luck.)
A long host of female writers, like Edna O'Brien or Claire Keegan, that I adore and that are showing women every day that you can go after what you want. That you can be strong, be independent, be creative (a message that, much as it may grow stale to some, has not been in the female public discourse that long, really).

All amazing. But to me, none hold a candle to the amazing things I learned and continue to learn from @ladyrebecca. There are, true, many definitions of what it is to be a strong woman, but if that woman isn't strong, I don't know who is.

And what a blessing and what tremendous luck to have in my life two or three women (so much!) who are so genuinely, incredibly, unapologetically strong. What better way to learn, perhaps the best advice of all, namely,

That I, too, can try to go through life like this. Strong. Unapologetic. Real.