feelin' like a pirate

well, a pirate with a seering headache, but that's a pirate on an average tuesday, innit? hopefully they's gonna put it back before i actually got need of it. the left side of my head. until then, small words and plenty of sunlight.

very strange, the way we structure our lives, the indebting, the un-freedoms. something trivial to talk about in such difficult times, i know, but isn't that the way we typically move past terrible things? it beats dwelling on the shock that has been death this past long year.

i was talking about indebting. my friend's in a position where her current job only requires her to work one week a month for the next year or so. pretty lucky turnout, no? still, when she first started here, she couldn't shake the guilt, the feeling of laziness associated. she wanted to take on a second job. yesterday, hanging out in the sun, taking a long noon walk together, we were talking about it - why not just enjoy it, though? this freedom that's not gonna be here always? you've been given a sliver of time, use it. says she will, and i hope she does, honestly.

i know well what that privilege is, the abundance of time, the small luxury of being able to go for a long walk or a coffee at noon on a monday, during office hours. she says to me, she's been thinking about me, how this is my life always, and i think yeah.
but at the same time, isn't it a tad strange that it's such a luxury, and that so much shame comes with it? talking to people with traditional office hours, you always feel a bit guilty, all this abundance of time on your hands - aren't you privileged. i don't know. i've said before, there's a lot of uncertainty, of unknowing that comes packaged with this kinda life. a lot of luck, for sure, but a lot of us are lucky in some way. we just often focus on not being lucky in the same way as x or y and somehow prioritize that. strange.

i'm not a fan of feeling guilty or bad about the life i've built for myself. not really. i don't see the point in feeling guilty over being able to take a long walk in the sun as opposed to being stuck in some dusty office somewhere, or behind a screen. why would i. and isn't it more weird and fucked up that that's the structure for so much of our western world? that we live in a society where we don't prioritize time in the sun, in the open air, a connection with the earth, time with our families, reading, a healthy development of our ongoing education and hobbies, to make us into more well-rounded people?

might that not be healthier for us as a society?

i just think it's kinda messed up for someone to feel bad over having time enough to maybe relax, work out, focus on her hobbies, spend time in nature and all that. i think it's messed up that we somehow think we can section these off into narrow time slots. for my friend, it's a year. for most people, it's weekends and holidays. the occasional day they finish early. to think, only, that we could structure the working day in such a way that people could earn their living in 4-6 hours, and still have time enough for all these things that are paramount to the healthy development of personality and relationship.

personally, i don't see much point feeling bad about your life and your "privilege of time". when the system's fucked up, maybe the thing to do is somehow change the system, not apologize for not blending into it.

me, i'd rather take uncertainty over the illusion of security that is traditional employment. i might not be able to always, but as long as i can, i will, and focus on my art instead. because this fucked-up world sure ain't gonna heal from having more aimless gray paper-pushing pumped into it.

i think it's a tragedy of our world that we've been left such a cruel small sliver of time for art and beauty and all those things which are meaningful and that actually have some chance to right the wrongs.

on the other hand, the more i delve into my world, the more i meet people like me who try to find a way to live outside the system, to dedicate themselves to art, to beauty, to doing good, to nurturing not only their own souls but those of people around them. i think maybe there's hope. i think it starts with nourishing your own soul.

well, why not through music? here's my contribution to #threetunetuesday.