RE: shambling phantom
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While this is directed at the relationship between the self, the other - my mind expanded it. I wonder how many "selves" we have, based on the versions of ourselves that many others know.
A person I once had a great deal of respect and adoration for took a platonic statement of love that I made to them and challenged it, with similar logic that you raised in the post:
You don't love me, you love the idea of me.
It took me a very long time to process that. Probably years. But only now, I think I am starting to understand. Our mind's eye, the person we see in the mirror, is not the same person that others experience.
A little bit like that lack of "shared experience" I wrote about the other week. Our own self identities are a different entity to what others experience of ourselves. I think.