Dock slip, the missing key and the nonsense plan.

My earliest childhood memory and why has it stuck with me. Topic number 1.

That(almost dying), I guess was the cause of it (the memory) to be strongly rooted and vivid in my mind until today. We were at a very popular beach at the time among the people of the town I was born in, with my older sisters (daughters of my father with another woman in a previous marriage), some cousins and a couple of my uncles (brothers of my father).
I must have been 4 or 5 years old, not really sure now and nobody around is alive to ask anyway. The thing is that at that beach there were some docks, not just inside the beach(that there wer a couple) but in a surrounding area that was also covered by salty water, it looked like some kind of grey lake which was also very deep. Anyway, we all were walking over one of those docks, the water level was about 60 cms down the dock and I, by my self wothout telling anyone, tried to reach it with my little right foot, the next thing I recall is being drowning down the grey waters and some strange lights besides the sun light, a sort of flashings over my little head, then I felt some hands that took me and that's it, the next thing I remember is being out with everyone gathered around me, guess they had been trying to take me out of the drowning state for a while, cause my memory cuts from the drowning scene and blurly continues there. Not much was said or explained to me about what happened, I was a child, but I haven't got rid of that memory over the years. I'm not afraid of water though I respect it, the sea above all and its creatures, I can swim and never been close to drawing again.

Don't remember seeing a light or a tunnel or my life passing by before my eyes in a second(well it was a short life after all).

A chlorine tank

What shocks or suprises you about your self?. Weekend-engagement topic number 3.

Yesterday in a chat with my girl in which some analogies were brought up by me concerning to some situations and the way I use to face them.

A storm in glass of water?

Are you familiar with that line?

Well, for those who might not be.

It's when one gets overwhelmed or frustrated by a simple, easy solution or not that big deal situation.
This ain't a concept, it's just my appreciation of the saying used here.

Well, in an attemt (a successful one) of picturing my wife some of my mind behaviours I took a little glass in my hand and said:

What surprise me the most about my self is how, sometimes, I can feel like drowning in a small and harmless glass of water and can fucken overcome other times I'm summerged in a big harmful chlorine tank from which I can get out willingly with certain ease, completely unharmed, reinforced and better armored.

That remains a mystery to me and solving it might be one of the missing keys.

The nonsense plan.

Topic number 4.

Radical thought?

What can I say? I can be a bit to much radical sometimes and I've had many of those thoughts.

Thinking of ambushing, to really hurt in many ways that surrounded my mind, one man I considered as a coward and unfair in one decision he took that affected my life and left me jobless starting the COVID time, was the more radical and also nonsense thought I had and to be honest I must thank my ownership and acceptance of responsibility on the mistake I commited that in the end was what led him( the coward guy) to taking that(still wrong coward and unfair) decision, for it was entirely my fault overall. That kept me from executing the nonsense wish-plan-radical-thouht and allowed me to move on.

The mistake

Well, some dareful and disrespectful man that had a difference with me in a hot argument thought that raising his fist against me was a good idea and well, it wasn't, I gave him 3 smashing fist punchs on his face in return to correct his mistaken thoughts and intentions. Proud? I'm not, it costed me a lot and don't get any satisfaction out of hurting someone. Regrets? Non, he fucken deserved it and looked for it, so, that's what he got.