The society dogmas: what is right and wrong.

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  Since we are born society rules us a bit on our path, and if we don't go through the stream we suffer some pressure. It is so weird how things work even in small things. For example, I went to the gym this morning and I was using one apparel to work the chest muscles. I started again to go to the gym now since I am having many back problems due to low posture and the muscles aren't doing a good job. So I just want some toning, so yeah I don't want to get Arnold Schwarzenegger muscles. I am just a guy getting around his 40s and scared a bit about my future. I am not lifting a lot of weight, but then a guy wanted to use the same apparel and when he saw the weight that I was using he said "Are you in a type of rehabilitation?", so he thought that with that weight I wouldn't have super muscle and he decided to give his opinion at that moment. The gym culture has a lot of that, I was a bit on that when I was younger around my 20's with the stigma that in the real gym we need to add weight until we start to moan after each repetition. Of course, this is a silly societal pressure compared to many others, but it is an example of how society tries to make us walk through a strict line. Another example a little bit more serious with the same topic is how society shows us what is a beautiful body which in the past I cared much about.

  Desde o nosso nascimento, a sociedade nos impõe um pouco o caminho a seguir, e se não seguirmos a corrente, sofremos alguma pressão. É tão estranho como as coisas funcionam, mesmo nas pequenas coisas. Por exemplo, fui à academia esta manhã e estava usando uma roupa específica para trabalhar os músculos do peito. Voltei a frequentar a academia agora, pois estou tendo muitos problemas nas costas devido à má postura, e os músculos não estão fazendo um bom trabalho. Então, eu só quero um pouco de tonificação, não quero ter músculos como Arnold Schwarzenegger. Sou apenas um cara chegando aos 40 anos e um pouco preocupado com o meu futuro. Não estou levantando muito peso, mas um cara quis usar a mesma roupa e, quando viu o peso que eu estava usando, disse: "Você está em algum tipo de reabilitação?", então ele achou que com aquele peso eu não teria super músculos e decidiu dar sua opinião naquele momento. A cultura da academia tem muito disso; eu estava um pouco envolvido nisso quando era mais jovem, por volta dos meus 20 anos, com o estigma de que na academia de verdade precisamos adicionar peso até começarmos a gemer após cada repetição. Claro, isso é uma pressão social boba em comparação com muitas outras, mas é um exemplo de como a sociedade tenta fazer com que sigamos uma linha rigorosa. Outro exemplo um pouco mais sério sobre o mesmo tema é como a sociedade nos mostra o que é um corpo bonito, algo que no passado me importava muito.

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  That problem concerned me more when I was in my 20's, I have been always so skinny and with problems gaining weight. At that time I felt very bad that even when I started to go to the gym I couldn't get a lot of muscles and get strong like many other people. Many women at that time preferred strong bodies compared to skinny ones. That made me feel so bad at that time. Nowadays it doesn't affect how big muscles are. However, appearance is still important and I have some concerns about it. The main one that concerns me is the age lines that start to show up. Aging is a normal process of everyone's body, but still, it is a change in our appearance and it bothers me. I started to use more sunscreen on my face to avoid that despite being an aging process it won't stop completely. At least I know that it will protect me from skin cancer.

  Another pressure from society that concerns me is people watching how you educate your kids. I have my view about how can I educate kids, sometimes kids test your limits and your anger. I talk a little bit louder in public with them, especially the youngest one, sometimes. That makes everyone watching and making bad judgments of how bad a father I am. We try not to talk louder to kids but sometimes is difficult to avoid. I am not hitting them or saying bad words, just saying a " Stop you both right now" a little bit louder can create a bad moment for you in public. What is the difference of saying that in public or in private? That makes me feel a bit ashamed. Everyone in your society has their picture of what is a good father, a family father. Interestingly, many people who defend this type of value get more tempted to exit that. In my life, I saw people who defended what we call "family values" sometimes get involved in domestic violence problems at home, or even bad wife and husband fights associated with cheating.

  Esse problema me preocupava mais quando eu estava na casa dos 20 anos. Eu sempre fui muito magro e tive dificuldades para ganhar peso. Naquela época, eu me sentia muito mal, pois, mesmo quando comecei a frequentar a academia, não conseguia ganhar muitos músculos e ficar forte como muitas outras pessoas. Muitas mulheres naquela época preferiam corpos musculosos em comparação com os magros. Isso me fazia sentir muito mal naquela época. Hoje em dia, não me importo tanto com o tamanho dos músculos. No entanto, a aparência ainda é importante, e tenho algumas preocupações com isso. A principal que me preocupa são as linhas de expressão que começam a aparecer. O envelhecimento é um processo normal do corpo de todos, mas ainda é uma mudança em nossa aparência que me incomoda. Comecei a usar mais protetor solar no rosto para evitar que, apesar de ser um processo natural de envelhecimento, não pare completamente. Pelo menos sei que isso me protegerá do câncer de pele.

 Outra pressão da sociedade que me preocupa é as pessoas observando como você educa seus filhos. Tenho minha visão sobre como educar crianças; às vezes, as crianças testam seus limites e sua paciência. Eu falo um pouco mais alto em público com eles, especialmente com o mais jovem, às vezes. Isso faz com que todos olhem e façam julgamentos ruins sobre o quão bom pai eu sou. Tentamos não falar alto com as crianças, mas às vezes é difícil evitar. Não estou batendo neles ou dizendo palavras ruins, apenas dizer "Parem agora mesmo, os dois" um pouco mais alto pode criar um momento ruim para você em público. Qual é a diferença de dizer isso em público ou em particular? Isso me faz sentir um pouco envergonhado. Cada pessoa em sua sociedade tem sua imagem do que é um bom pai, um pai de família. Curiosamente, muitas pessoas que defendem esse tipo de valor se sentem mais tentadas a sair desse padrão. Na minha vida, vi pessoas que defendiam o que chamamos de "valores familiares" às vezes se envolverem em problemas de violência doméstica em casa, ou até mesmo brigas ruins entre marido e mulher associadas a traições.

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  Society has many dogmas, and these dogmas put pressure on us daily. Of course, we need to follow the rules of society, like what we call common sense, dressing in clothes to walk in public for example. But some other pressures can have some bad outcomes on us, why does a woman get married after she is not a kid anymore? Why a couple should have kids? Why we all should have Barbie and Ken's bodies? Why we should have a family with one man, one woman, and kids who will love each other forever? All these questions we should answer and be convinced that we are being ourselves since each one of us is a unique human with different characteristics and ways of seeing the world.

  A sociedade tem muitos dogmas, e esses dogmas nos pressionam diariamente. Claro, precisamos seguir as regras da sociedade, como o que chamamos de bom senso, vestindo roupas para sair em público, por exemplo. Mas algumas pressões podem ter resultados negativos para nós. Por que uma mulher deveria se casar depois de não ser mais uma criança? Por que um casal deveria ter filhos? Por que todos deveríamos ter corpos como os de Barbie e Ken? Por que deveríamos ter uma família com um homem, uma mulher e filhos que se amarão para sempre? Todas essas perguntas devemos responder e nos convencer de que estamos sendo nós mesmos, pois cada um de nós é um ser humano único, com características e maneiras diferentes de ver o mundo.


"Society, we all know there's something wrong and we know it all along

Sincerity, you may think there's no one else 'til they put you on a shelf

Society, pay your taxes stand in line help them plan for your demise

Society, crush the weak to get your share cause nobody's playing fair

And no one cares" - Pennywise music "Society"


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16 comments
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Many women at that time preferred strong bodies compared to skinny ones.

Hehe. I think they should prefer a person having strong financial backup🤣🤣. !LOL

Society can't give you the space even if you are doing the right thing with your child. It's society and you can't change the perspective of everyone. In fact, I think nobody knows why you are acting like that and they naturally judge you as a bad father. I think as much as we can avoid that pressure, it's good for us.
!PIZZA

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hahha for sure you are right!
I think avoiding the pressure is the best way...focusing in your own principles and not falling in other people principles...like our parents! lol they are the worst on that!

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I think the most fascinating thing about these societal dogmas is that they are usually strongly upheld by people that do not fulfil them either.

I am skinny and small, as I have been told a billion times in my life already, but the craziest thing happened when a lady told me that she couldn't date me because I was small. I was surprised that someone would say that, when in fact I could have said that "I can't date you either because you are damn way too fucking big." I was tempted to say it, because I was livid, but then I realised that I really didn't need to, and that I would probably hurt her way more than she hurt me.

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Wow that was in the face! And it hurts! Physical appearance that fits better with a certain society is so bad lol!

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Você tocou em assuntos bem interessantes sobre pressão social, a parte da academia já passei por isso, um maluco chega e bota 50 kilo de peso e eu pegando 10, eu sei que nao sou forte nem nada, mas o cara fica tipo te olhando de forma zuada porque vc está pegando menos peso, como se todos fossem iguais, ai para a gente nao querer ficar como os babões, aumentamos para um peso que nem damos conta de fazer e depois ainda da ruim.

Os dos filhos também passo muito por isso, uma pressão para que as coisas sejam sempre do jeito dos outros e o nosso jeito ta sempre errado, é tenso isso, mas acho que devemos deixar isso pra la e seguir o que é o correto pra nós o que achamos que é o legal.

!DHEDGE !HBITS !PIMP

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hmm that part where u said many woman prefer strong bodies. i want to say thats kind of true cuz maybe they find it more attractive and they feel safer with someone that seems "strong" and can protect them. this is probably part of human nature and possibly like a survival instinct O.O i could be wrong tho but this is what i think. of course that's now how it should be but that's just how we are programmed i feel so I feel you can't blame them for that right. Sometimes that's their ideal but not always the case that the person they end up with has a strong body.

Everyone has different ideals and beliefs and grew up in different situations. I think this leads to different societal pressures. maybe from a certain group you feel like it's bad on how u educate your children but im sure there's a group that completely understands. There's always going to be two sides like those that are pro abortion or against abortion or those that believe in religion and those that dont and ofc all the diff religions out there.

I think the most important thing is as long as we feel it's right and in the sense that it's doing something good and i guess this can be interpreted differently but i want to say like you know it and others know it as well and from just a general point of view that what is being done is actually the right thing. as long as nobody is getting hurt and it's all civil with positive outcomes. to be honest im quite sure if i said what im trying to say correctly. its probably not worded the best but i think u know what i mean :D

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Many points to comment....

i want to say thats kind of true cuz maybe they find it more attractive and they feel safer with someone that seems "strong" and can protect them.

And having blue eyes also? lol there is this theory about strength and protection, like the same way that how big women's breasts are also related to attracting males. However, society adds some spice on that with daily propaganda, movies and etc. We evolved in a way to not go much through instincts, or do we still battle until death to conquer females? Society standards are very strong my friend.

Everyone has different ideals and beliefs and grew up in different situations. I think this leads to different societal pressures. maybe from a certain group you feel like it's bad on how u educate your children but im sure there's a group that completely understands. There's always going to be two sides like those that are pro abortion or against abortion or those that believe in religion and those that dont and ofc all the diff religions out there.

Yes there will be always groups that will support you, but most of the times they are minorities. In the case of abortion, you will see countries that are more easygoing than others. I came from a country where abortion is forbidden so women can only do it in illegal clinics which it can be dangerous, since they aren't regulated. In this country, if you are pro-abortion it is very hard to find people that are also pro-abortion, so people decide not to talk about it. Women that goes through abortion hide it from the rest of the people. In another hand, I am living now in a country where abortion is legalized, so women feel freer to talk about it, and people pro-abortion also feel more relieved to talk about that. Despite you still have regions in the country that are more against so the hiding happens more often.

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And having blue eyes also?

O.O i never mentioned that part did I. i was saying the guys with muscle @_@ but of course times have changed and we dont have to really fight for our survival in terms of physical :D. now iq and many other factors play a role in choosing a partner. i want to say tho we still have human instinct too tho for the muscle thing. i hope u understand what im trying to say

Yes there will be always groups that will support you, but most of the times they are minorities. In the case of abortion, you will see countries that are more easygoing than others

Yes thats how it is maybe one country is the minority one country is the majority x.x. thats actually how it is if u the minority u basically just dont try to make noise to be safe. theres always both sides that have their good and bads so we just have to respect both sides but thats not hte case i guess. people likke being right so idk what to say :D

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From the fatherhood aspect of societal pressure...I think it's common around here too. They will even put it that not only biological parents train a child but society at large...this is why they usually try to see wrong in our parenting style but it's your child and you know the best tactics to use and get him to do the right thing... please use it without conforming to any sort of pressure from anyone

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Beautiful message and it is true! Despite of all this pressure we need to keep with our own principles since they will grow as reflection of us =)

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