Sanguine LOH #241

^{@Yaziris; my heart, and I.}

Two misanthropic yet friendly outcasts find themselves falling madly in love through Discord chats. She is a mother of two with complicated circumstances. He is living in a country that's been in civil war for 14 years. As the two pursue their relationship, will the stars align?

After viewing this week's prompts, I think this would be the description of a Netflix show about my life, which would be titled "Sanguine". This word, which describes the personality trait of being positive or optimistic, even in difficult situations, is the perfect title in my opinion.

To be candid, life has been beyond complicated for me for many years now. Some days I'd very much like to give up. I feel depressed, defeated. It can feel as if the way the world is structured is meant to crush me to bits. Then I laugh at myself.


^{My kids getting down on some churros and ice cream.}

I count the things I have to be grateful for. I recenter and focus on the positive. I continue to fight for the life that I want. It's very straightforward— I want the man that I love to be able to come to the USA so I can have both him and my children with me. I don't much care where, or what it is that we have. As long as it is stable and I get all three of them, I would be in heaven.

I suppose a show about my life would showcase both mine and Yaz's attempt to stay positive. Through logistical issues, the brick walls of sanctions, the hurdles that come with two people from different countries loving each other in general.


^{Yaz and I at the Syrian border}
I imagine there would be at least one episode that shows the 10 days we spent stuck at the Syria-Jordan border together. We slept in the cold, ate food directly out of cans, and sat the rest of the day waiting together. And you know what? We had a blast doing even that.

It's one of the reasons I know he's the right person to spend the rest of my life with, we can have a good time doing anything together! We took advantage of the time by playing little games, I studied Arabic, and we had fun joking about all of the weird shit that was happening around us.

Moments like this might have folks wondering if they were watching a drama or a romantic comedy.


^{Learning a bit about geography at the library.}
The beauty of my children would certainly be a center point as well. I suppose they'd show an actress playing me struggling to reconcile herself with splitting her heart in two, praying that it will be a brief agony. Doing the best to make up for her own personality defects for them.

My character wouldn't be some sort of love-struck protagonist exclusively. She'd be complex; she'd fuck up a lot. She'd lose hold of her emotions. She would make mistakes. She would always try her best to succeed for the ones she loves though. I like to think she would be a character people root for. Maybe they'd hate me, it truly doesn't matter.

That is my main takeaway as I think of what a show about my life might look like. It looks the way it needs to for now, the finale episode only concerns my children, my husband, and I.

^{All photos are my own.}