When Love Holds Me Back: Choosing Growth Without Losing Myself

Most times, to some people, when we talk about letting go of people or things, it looks like a simple thing to do, most especially when it is a close buddy or work/schoolmate. We easily tell ourselves that if this person is not adding to me, if he is just taking away from me, most especially my peace, then it is time to free them.

And on the other hand, if the table were to be turned and those people fell into the category of those who raised us, put food on our table, paid important bills in our lives, and played a vital role in our day-to-day activities, especially when things kind of look tough? In my country, where we stay together as one happy family because it is our identity and culture, taking that "letting go" decision is just a difficult decision to make; in fact, it seems like a mission impossible.

When I look at it from this angle, I have seen a situation whereby most parents might tell their children not to go after a particular dream not because they are jealous but because they are afraid that things might not turn out well. Some parents might tell their daughter not to marry someone from a particular tribe because "they do not trust or like those people." Other parents might insist that their kids study the same course as them "because they want their legacy to live on." And sometimes, all that they are doing might be from a place of love, but the truth most of them do not know is that love and growth work hand in hand, and when there is no growth, the love results in suffocation.

I can remember this guy who I met in school; we stayed in the same hostel and also the same department. He told me that his parents wanted him to go into the medical line, but he ignored them and decided to study architecture. He said they got angry with him and even called him ungrateful. They even told him that they will not pay his school fees just to change his mind. When he was telling me, I was like, In this 21st century, parents still do that?

Even though when he first began, it kind of seemed tough for him, along the way, he found joy in it. Now, he is doing great, and anytime I need to render any architectural work after I design, I send it to him because he is better than I in the rendering aspect. Now, his parents are happy with him even though they wanted him to study another thing, and as a wise guy, he is not angry with them.

But the reality of the matter here is that, when we say we want to let go of those people we refer to as family, it does not necessarily mean we are cutting them off. Most often, what we do is that we usually modify that relationship. For instance, I can genuinely love someone down to my heart, yet I will give them space as a boundary just to safeguard myself to move to the next stage. I usually check up on some people, sometimes visit them, and even call to check their well-being, yet I am building my life.

The truth is that it might seem difficult to do. There will be a rollercoaster of emotions. It might guilt-trip you at times, and you might even feel down at some point, but in those moments, I usually say to myself, This is my life, and I am not limited to staying small, so I will not betray myself by denying myself by not going after what I want. And sometimes, it is better to love from afar so that we can grow instead of explaining what they will not understand.

Thank you for reading.

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