The day I stopped doubting myself// Loh contest 260

The moment I knew things had taken a new shape was when I went for my very first interview, it was a nursing school interview. Before then, I have always been suppressed with the fear of not being good enough. I was scared of trying because I might make mistakes and people would laugh at me. I preferred to stay hidden, unseen, that nobody would judge me for trying and failing.

I arrived at the venue 30 minutes before the time, just to avoid being too tense and also to meet other students who had once gone for the interview, to get clarification on what the previous interview was like. While we were waiting my mind kept wandering, I didn't know what to expect as everyone who had gone in for the interview had a different question. I can't say I didn’t prepare but the questions they asked were partly random questions, honestly I prefer writing exam to oral. You can't detect or guess what you would be asked, it gave me a headache and my heart was pounding out of fear because I was told the interview carried the bulk of the marks, "what if I fail? What if I make a mistake and get mocked?" I heard the judges were always strict and harsh. Not attempting was not an option here because I really want to go to a nursing school, that was my opportunity.

As I sat waiting for my turn, I tried to rehearse but I couldn't because I was tense. Every student that comes out I would rush to ask them what question they asked them, the more I asked the more I realized that I would have put in more effort. I had no idea about the answers to most of the questions they were asked.

Soon it was four people before it got to my turn, my heart pumped faster and louder, it's possible the candidates closer to me must have heard the palpitations of my heart. So many thoughts started making themselves comfortable in my head, I kept hearing things: what if I can’t? What if I make a mistake? What if I don't even know the answer? All these thoughts and questions were killing my confidence, slowly.

I did something funny, I excused myself to the bathroom, I stayed there for about ten to fifteen minutes, I wanted to put myself together. When I came back, it was going to be my turn. I sat, relaxing my back and I took a deep breath. I remembered what my husband told me about how he overcame stage fright and self-doubt. He said, * “I should choose a friendly face and then look at the forehead while speaking”*. Just then I heard, “Next!” My heart sank deep into my chest and then tension replaced butterflies in my tummy. I walked in, gazing at the faces of the judges and there she was one of the women smiling at me, she complimented my dressing and that was how I regained confidence, I spoke to her forehead all through the interview.

I wasn't sure I would pass the interview but luckily for me, I passed the interview even though I didn't answer two of the questions because I was rushed. I was proud of myself for not backing out because I was scared I couldn't do it. Being positive goes a long way in getting success, words like: I can’t should be replaced with I can. Self-doubt is no longer in charge but it's still a visitor, my confidence level has increased. I am doing less with I can't and more with I can.

Image is mine

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