Quiet Thoughts...

The past few weeks have caused me to reflect more on my mental health because of the connection it had with my recent illness. I thought I had things under control until my doctor broke the news about taking things a lot easier to prevent complicating a minor thing.

I have gotten this same warning a lot of time and always adhere to it, but sometimes I tend to slip away from doing things right unintentionally, and the consequences aren't always good.

"And you know better," I tell myself this whenever the repercussions kick in, but I just can't help it.

Some years ago, I used to be an overthinker. I think about what matters and what doesn't. Once something crosses my mind, whether it has to do with me or not, I go on thinking so much to the extent that it becomes unhealthy. Things worsened to the point that I thought more about negative things; I see little positivity in my ideas and efforts, I worried too much about the buts in whatever I planned to do.

The habit of overthinking eventually became a burden; it affected my decisions and further strengthened my struggles with procrastination. Opportunities slipped off while thinking more than I should do, and it even affected my health badly, but quitting was not easy. This minute, I will make my mind to quit thinking unnecessarily, and the next minute, I am lost in thought again. You can't blame me because I had too much on me—too much to deal with very early in life, so it was an obsession I developed unknowingly.

I had to struggle with this until my practices got deeper into minimalism. I eventually realized that it was pointless worrying excessively about things I had no control over, and nothing will change with just me thinking. I know it's impossible not to think at all, but my thoughts can be simplified.

I can think about the present and focus on what matters while I don't give room for negativity to cloud my thoughts or affect my decisions. I started engaging my mind more with positive thoughts and activities; no room for idleness, but sometimes I find myself slipping and immediately call myself to order.

It would be a lie if I claimed not to make huge progress with overthinking; I did and was in control. My health, most especially, experienced a different turnaround. I told myself that going further, overthinking—unnecessary/negative thoughts—won't journey with me any longer.

But the past few months made me revisit my old habits. While trying to fix some personal issues, I lost control of myself and had to deal with the consequences longer than it used to be. I was really scared and wished I didn't allow things escalate to that extent.

After my check up last weekend, I told myself this could be a warning, and it's time to stop allowing my old habits to sneak in. I mustn't lose my guard anymore regarding this, and traveling light mentally must be of more priority to me.

I am very aware about the uncertainties of life, nothing is sure and things many times happen completely different from our expectations. Regardless of what the outcome is, I practice gratitude because of the experience, knowledge and lessons acquired but sometimes, there is this need for things to work out as planned and that's the back door for overthinking to sneak in.

Despite my determination to travel light mentally, forgetting that I am a work in progress will be a mistake and just like I have learned, you should also know that making that progress no matter how little is what matters.