Forgiving Is Easy, Forgetting Is Not

Sometimes I heard people say forgive and forget, it is one thing to forgive and it is another thing to forget, in my opinion I think forgive but not forget should be the correct phrase because some pain hurt deeply that we must learn from what that person did to us, it is always good to learn from a mistake which makes it so easy to forgive others.

I remember when my closest friend hurt me deeply when we were in school, she snitched on me and I was so furious at her because she was someone who I trusted so much, she lied against me and later realized that she did something terrible to me, she came and apologized after the whole issue, I was pained because I couldn't sleep for days because of what she did, when I told my Mum and my other friends about it they all said forgive and let it slide.

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How can I just forget the most embarrassing moments of my life? How is it easy to just forget something easily, something that broke me for days, something that makes me restless and uncomfortable, I forgave her the moment she realized that she did something bad to me and apologized but I can never forget, I chose not to trust her like before because she might do something worse later in future.

As for me, forgiving was the first step to take, learn how to forgive others, I hate to carry pain and anger around, if I did not forgive her I will always be better about her actions towards me, also I realised that holding on to it was only making me miserable. It wasn’t easy, but I told myself, “I forgive you.” That didn’t mean I was fine with what happened. It just meant I wanted peace for myself.

Forgetting was another different thing entirely, it is never easy for the memory to disappear, let's not lie to ourselves it is very difficult to forget something especially when it hurt deeply, It will still there, anytime I see my friend or anytime I remember the incident my mind struck and warned me never to put my trust in any friend.

Sometimes, forgetting everything can even be dangerous. If you forget completely, you might give the person the same chance to hurt you again. Remembering, for me, became a way to protect myself. It’s like learning a lesson that would be useful for me in future. I can forgive, but I won’t be foolish enough to walk into the same trap some other time.

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I’ve also realised that moving on doesn’t mean you forget, it is just a way of letting peace reign. You can remember without the same anger or pain you felt before. It’s like having a scar. You still see it, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Now, when I hear “forgive and forget,” I see it differently. Forgiving is for my own healing. Forgetting is for wisdom. I can forgive because I want to be free. I can remember because I want to stay wise.

So, in my own opinion I don’t think forgiving and forgetting is always a package deal. Sometimes you forgive but still remember, and that’s okay, we are humans and also hurt differently. What I think that matters is that the memory no longer has the power to break you. You live without bitterness but with lessons that guide you.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, you have the power to decide if you want to forgive or not while forgetting is a choice you make carefully, it always take time, and they don’t always happen together and that’s perfectly fine.

This is my response to this episode of hivelearners community prompt of #hl-w178e02 which the topic is tagged FORGIVE AND FORGET