Why I refuse to be a perfect wife material

I grew up hearing "You'd enter a man's house." No one ever said the man would also live in mine.

I grew up in a society where many men still believe a woman should always be under them. A society where young girls are raised with more caution than boys — because one day, they will “enter a man’s house.” From childhood, we’re taught that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, and her biggest achievement is to be called a “good wife.” or "wife material"

In this same society, a man’s worth is measured by his success, while a woman’s worth is measured by how well she cooks, cleans, and submits. A woman who speaks up is “disrespectful,” and one who puts herself first is “too proud.” The irony is that the same people who praise strong, successful women on TV still expect the women around them to shrink, obey, and keep quiet.

Back in the 90s, this mindset might have worked. Most women were full-time housewives — they didn’t work, so taking care of the home was their only focus. But today, things have changed. Women hustle, women work, women build careers and empires. Yet, even now, a married woman who works from 9 to 5 is expected to wake up by 4 a.m. to clean, cook, and get everyone ready before leaving for work.

After returning home exhausted, she’s still the one to cook dinner, serve it, and clean up — while her husband “unwinds.” And on Saturdays, her so-called rest day, she’s expected to do a deep clean, wash everything, and make a feast. If she dares to rest or say she’s tired, she’s instantly labeled lazy or not wife material.

It’s heartbreaking that in many families, the true measure of a woman’s worth is still based on how spotless her kitchen is rather than how fulfilled she feels or how balanced her life is.

Our world has changed, but many mindsets have refused to evolve with it. The modern woman now carries two full-time jobs — one at work and one at home — yet she’s often the one being told she’s “not doing enough.”

It’s time we start redefining what it means to be a good woman.
Being a good woman should mean being balanced, emotionally stable, and fulfilled — not burnt out, overworked, and constantly trying to prove her worth.

A woman can nurture and still be ambitious.
She can love deeply and still have boundaries.
She can cook, clean, lead, earn, and still deserve rest, respect, and partnership.

The truth is: when you raise a woman to be strong, independent, and emotionally stable — you’re not making her “less submissive.” You’re preparing her to stand tall in a world that often tries to shrink her.

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