Living For Social Validation
Social validation might not be a term many would know, but I bet we all know what it means as unfortunately, you can't escape from seeing it every single day.
Social validation is the process by which individuals seek confirmation of their beliefs, actions, or feelings from others, often to feel accepted and understood. This concept plays a critical role in self-presentation and impression management as people adjust their behaviors and opinions based on how they perceive others' responses. By aligning with social norms and expectations, individuals can enhance their self-esteem and foster a sense of belonging within a group.
Without being an expert in the matter, or in social behavior, I can tell you the damage this phenomenon has done already is huge.
Connecting people through social media is one of the biggest inventions of modern times, and excellent idea, but unfortunately the vast majority of people are not ready in any way to handle it properly.
In digital environments, social validation plays a crucial role in shaping self-esteem and identity among young adults. The constant feedback loop created by likes and comments can significantly influence how individuals perceive themselves and their worth. When they receive positive reinforcement online, it boosts their confidence and can lead to a stronger sense of identity aligned with those validated traits. Conversely, negative feedback or lack of engagement may lead to feelings of inadequacy and influence individuals to alter their identities to gain approval. This complex interplay demonstrates the profound impact of online social validation on personal development.
Usually I'm pretty busy and when I'm not, I prefer to spend my time wisely, so wasting time on different platforms looking for social validation is not among my activities, but last week something happened, that made me think of the magnitude of it.
As I mentioned in my previous posts, I'm going through a lifestyle change, that started in November last year and the results are already visible. To give you an example, my jeans look like pre-owned (or pre-loved as @lizelle says) by someone a size or two bigger than me. I keep saying I need a pair of new jeans (or two), but in the same time I've been postponing the decision to buy new pants, because this is not the final weight I want, so the pants I'd buy now would not fit soon, if I keep to my plan. The other reason is, there's a small collection of jeans of all sizes in my wardrobe, that is waiting for me to fit in them, so I'm still on the fence with what I'm going to do.
My appointment to the hairdresser was on Friday and while getting ready, a strange thought crossed my mind. I was wondering if she would notice the loss of weight on me. As I see her once a month, most likely the change would be more visible to her, then to those who I'm interacting on a daily bases, but as soon as the idea popped up in my mind, another followed. I said to myself, why should she notice the weight loss or better yet, why should I care, or why should it matter if she notices it or not? What should it change?
Then I remembered a case I read years ago, of a young mother, who lost around 20 kg and then put it all back because neither her husband, nor his family said nothing and she saw no reason to continue.
It is a sad story and unfortunately not the only one. This was a textbook case of how people don't know why they are doing things, or they are doing things for all the wrong reasons, which then, needless to say, leads to failure.
Emotional intelligence is also a known term, but in so many cases it remains a term, nothing more. I truly believe one can develop a high level emotional intelligence in time, which then can help navigate through what life throws your way. It's not easy, it's a long process and requires a lot of work and dedication, but it's the only way, if you truly want to live your own life and not the one that others are carving for you.
Books and studies can guide you, but at the end of the day, it's your duty to learn about your own self, recognize the benefits of your own actions and acknowledge the dead ends some road can hit.
Living for social validation is the road to nowhere in my opinion and shows how empty one's life is. If you don't find joy in what you're doing without getting validation from others, then ... you're heading in the wrong direction.
In case of weight loss, you should be happy to know, your body is getting rid of the excess fat, you should feel the increasing energy you have every day, just to list a few of the benefits.
Who cares what others say? I certainly don't and neither should you. Find the balance you need for a healthy and happy life and live the life you want. Do things for yourself, not for others. Simple as that.
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Right on! Like you, I started making some changes a little at a time around the middle of last year. One little change at a time. Not for anyone else, but for me. I have posted many times about these changes over the last couple months and proud of them. Not to seek validation. I don't need it. But it is to shar with others it can be done.
More power to you gal. Do your thing. Wear those pre-loved jeans with pride.
That's the right thing to do and the right way to do it Joe! And the only way in my opinion.
Thank you and good luck to you too! I know we're going to get to our goals!
I kind of stopped caring what people think of me a long time ago. It kind of drives my wife crazy. Especially with work stuff. She will say, you know what they are going to say behind your back... I really don't care anymore. I'm here to do a job to the best of my ability.
She shouldn't care either, but it's not that easy, I know, It takes time to get used to not caring, but it's the only way.
most of the people nowadays live for social validation
"oh i'm dressed well?", "oh i need more makeup", "oh what people will think if i use this old car" etc... that because social spreaded the need to receive confirmation that you are doing good, you are following the other sheeps and conform...
i dont give a fuck at what people think, sometimes they tell me "you should dress well and elegant to go to work, what will other think" and my reply is always "who fucking cares of what others think", is it gonna improve my life appealing others? no ... is it gonna ruin my life not appealing others? neither
That is true unfortunately and some are doing things only for this purpose, which is even more sad. What kind of life is that?
That is rude and inappropriate. Who the fook they think they are, to tell you to dress up? None of their business, but some people like to poke their nose in other people's business. I usually get rid of these people. Who needs them? I don't.
Yep, pisses me off when they do so, I don't go around tell others how to dress 🤷 it's not my business
Exactly!
People tend to worry what other people think and it is a lack of self confidence or a weakness. Who cares what other people think and be yourself because you need to please yourself first. I hate how society has become and people are scared of their own shadows.
It definitely is and it's damaging too.
Exactly! Those who don't understand this, are going to have a very difficult life.
It is more noticeable in the youths and teens I think, everyone wants to be like the standard or wants acclamation and fame because of their perceived likeness to that standard. But who gets to decide what the standard is and who cares how close or far you are from it as long as you're not hurting yourself.
I feel one should always do something for themselves and their innate whims or desires.
This is quite sad in another direction because maybe they chose not to say anything not because they didn't notice but because they didn't want to come off as rude.
Regardless, my earlier thoughts remain.
As long as it doesn't harm or affect them, f*ck what the society thinks or perceives as valid.
I wouldn't say so. Unfortunately other generations are just as bad and stupid. I always say those who don't have a personal life, are living other people's lives and are dependent on social media and want to impress everyone, the wrong way.
Most of the time is done out of envy, by small minded people. Why complement someone? To make them feel good? Imagine how stupid this can be.
I always do so, it stings a little when they don't hear or don't respond though 😂😂
But I guess that's just my ego dying a little and embarrassment winning.
Still, if you see someone looking pretty, it takes nothing out of you to compliment em.
I think I'll hate people who don't complement out of envy😂😂
You can't even imagine how selfish people can be 😆
I absolutely agree that living for social validation will eventually only lead to a life of misery! People doing that for sure lack emotional intelligence, and I feel very sorry for them.
I have the same issue since losing weight. My lungs actually helped me take a look at my bad habits, plus take action to live a healthy lifestyle!
Best to buy 'pre-loved' for now, @erikah 😉
Letting others influence your life is the worst thing you can do.
You're an inspiration for me, so I know you are going to do great things. 😎
I say 'snap' @erikah🫂
Living for social validation is the road to nowhere in my opinion: Oww YES, I so much agree with you. Forget about social validation. Do the things you - we - do for ourselves. Loosing weight is something that is truly awesome to do for ourselves. Loosing weight is not only loosing fat, gaining energy and such, but gives us a much better feeling. We'll experience we can move our body more freely and easily and all that. We feel much less barriers when we bend and do something with our body. The way to loose weight is a thing though: My method became intermittent fasting with low-carb dinners. Something that doesnt starve us out, andf can be very effective. I cheat from time to time, since I like not only pasta but also sandwidches, but when goign strong on the 'program' it is much ok to go carbs for 1 or 2 days in the week. But only after a month or two being strict and the first kilograms are flying out the window, since then one sees the benefit of the 16 hours a day not eating, and the focus on proteine (meat/fish) and lots of vegitables without going potatoes, rice, pasta and bread/cake and whatnot.
You plan is interesting and I'm glad it's working for you. I also have mine and surprisingly, after 80 days, it's already a routine, a lifestyle that is totally doable. I've heard of intermittent fasting and I know what it means, but have never tried it.
My cousin is doing something similar (or maybe not). She has 2 days per week, with 500kcal per day. It is not good in my opinion, it's damaging, but she shays it's working for her. A few years ago I was visiting her and she had her diet day, so she asked me if I want to join. I said yes, partly to avoid being rude and difficult, and partly to try it our, how strong I am.
I got through the day, but with a really heavy headache and could not even take a painkiller as who takes medication on an empty stomach? The result? 200g weight loss 😆 She said she's usually losing 0.5 to 1 kg after such a day. So no thanks, that's not for me.
My diet is simple. I am avoiding fat meals with high calories, but I have a slice of bread or two a day, which is 100g in total. Lots of veggies, some meat, a little bit of everything.
For each it is the method that works best. All to do with our own minds and what we can handle.
Intermittent fasting is like 16 hours of no food. For me easy since I am used to not eat breakfast for the last three decades. Perhaps even more than 3 decades. When eating low carbs in the 8 hours a day that is allowed, more protein, the hunger feeling isn't there. Perhaps only around lunch time, for half an hour, but usually I work and dont feel the hunger. After a little whiel the hunger feeling stops. When getting used to the rhythm, it all becomes pretty easy to stick to it. I dont like any diet that makes you feel hunfry all day long, which usually happens when eating light, and multiple times over the day. At least for me.
The 50kcal example, two times a week, I would even try. That is way too little calories for me. I would become a nasty person by going on such diet 😆
I tell you .... I believe that you have to do things for yourself, because you love yourself and not for others. The same as happiness is not given by someone else, but we must find it within ourselves. Social validation is something that doesn't suit me, the things I do I do for me and for me, just like you. Because of this issue of validation a lot of people are depressed, bad about themselves and many other things... horrible things.
Thank you for this reflection!