The Letter I Wish I Gave // CNF
Whenever I graduate from one class to another, I select important books from that class and keep them in the bag.
The bag became a collection of textbooks, notebooks, fliers, examination scripts and so on.
After I graduated from secondary school, I dumped the bag and soon forgot about it when I gained admission into college.
One of those days, I was given an assignment in Biology. I tried using my phone to search for the answers on the internet, but the answers I kept getting weren't satisfying.
“Oooh, what is this?” I hissed and dropped my phone on the bed.
If I was to go with what I got from the internet, I know I was going to get a low mark, and I was not ready to take chances.
“Should I wait until tomorrow and get a copy from Ella, my friend?” I thought quietly.
“No,” I quickly objected, shaking my head.
“That's a terrible idea. It would just be like copying and submitting what I do not know.” I confronted the suggestion instantly.
While those thoughts were still racing in my head, causing me to sweat unnecessarily, I decided to pick up my notes to check the questions again.
“Genetics, Genetics,” I repeated biting the smallest finger on my left hand, but uncle Ade taught us Genetics in secondary school na,” I said, looking at the questions closely.
For the very first time in a long while, I walked to the bag where I kept my secondary school books.
It was already looking old, the skin of the bag was peeling off due to the cold and negligence.
I grabbed the handle and tried to lift it up, but unfortunately, both of them cut off. I had to grab the whole bag and take it outside the room.
As I dropped it hard, it made an audible sound. I slowly unzipped it. An old but familiar smell that accompanies books hit me hard.I stood still and inhaled it passionately, due to my love for books.
I began taking the books out one after the other in search of my biology text book. Some of the books at the top were already disintegrating, the covers faded, and they were peeling off. Within a short period of time, I landed on the biology text book.
I let out a deep breath, “ah, finally,” I exclaimed.
Without hesitation, I dusted it and headed for the table of contents.
While flipping the pages, a white folded foolscap fell from the book. At first, I ignored it. “Maybe it's one of my notes,” I told myself and continued flipping.
But the more I tried to resist it, the more I felt the need to check what's on it.
After getting to the page I was looking for, and reading through, verifying it is exactly what I wanted, I decided to pick the paper from the floor and check the content.
When I saw “Dear joy” as the salutation, my heart raced, a sharp pain passed through my chest. It was as if someone pricked my heart with a needle.
I sighed for a moment and continued reading.
“I am sorry about breaking up with you. I really didn't know that John was your cousin, and you didn't tell me about him earlier on.
Every other man would react the same way I did. I am sorry for ghosting you and refusing to reply to all your letters. I was just hurt.
After realizing that John is truly your cousin, shame wouldn't let me face you and apologize. I still feel guilty for how I treated you.
My nights are now long, and my days are boring. I miss you every day that passes by. I am really sorry. I am ready to make things right. Let's come back, please.”
Although it was almost three years since Joy and I broke up, it still hurts whenever her memory hits me.
I thought she was cheating on me. I still feel terrible each time I remember the story.
Joy was my girlfriend from Senior Secondary School One; she attended a boarding school while I attended a day school.
During one of the Christmas periods, she refused to hang out with me but followed a new guy to watch cultural dance in the community. When I saw them, I confronted her publicly.
“Joy, so this is it?”
When she saw how furrowed and hard my face was, she held my hand and tried to drag me aside to talk, but I didn't listen to her; I kept ranting.
“Babe, listen to me,” she kept trying to calm me down, but I didn't pay attention.
“You are cheating. No wonder you refused to hang out with me. You know what? It's over between us.” I told her and walked away.
The next day, she sent an apology letter explaining to me that she was not cheating and John, the guy I saw her with, was her cousin, but I read and refused to reply.
I was just hurt, and I didn't know what to believe. She was going to resume school very soon. She kept sending letters, but I just kept reading and didn't reply.
In one of the letters, she said she was traveling, and if I don't respond, that would be the end of our relationship but I thought she was just trying to get me to talk to her, and I was not ready yet.
I have my reasons, after verifying from my sister that John was truly Joy's cousin and he just came to town for the festivities and would be going back soon, I felt ashamed and didn't know how to face her.
I wrote a letter to give to her, but I just kept procrastinating. Unfortunately, the day I finally gathered the courage to go to her house and give her the letter, her grandma said,
“Joy relocated to Keffi to stay with her aunt. She will complete her secondary school there and stay with her till she's done with college.”
I remained motionless for about two minutes; my stomach tightened, and my breath almost ceased. I didn't even know where I was. I just stood there.
“Is there anything else you want?” Grandma asked.
I remained quiet.
“Hello,” she added.
I quickly regained consciousness. “Thank you, ma,” I replied abruptly and walked out of the house.
Back then, Joy did not have a phone, and her parents were not aware that we were in a relationship.
We hide everything because they wouldn't consent to it. Considering the fact that we were young, I would have asked to talk to the aunt.
I came back home and cried. “I should have given her the letter earlier. Why did I linger?” I blamed myself as I cried hard.
After reading the letter, I smiled. Although the memory hurts, it's already in the past. I neatly folded it and put it back into the textbook, and did my assignment.
We met when I was about to graduate from college, but sadly, both of us have found new relationships already.
N.B: All Images Were Generated By Gemini AI
Thanks For Reading
