Hearing Beneath the Words.

When I count essential life skills, I include listening. I mean, if it isn’t at the top of the list, it’s definitely close. It’s one of the qualities I love most, the kind that draws me close to people and somehow draws people to me too. And I feel like it’s not even talked about enough. I wouldn’t say I’m a pro listener, but I’ll give myself some credit for at least scratching the surface. Funny enough, I didn’t develop the quality of listening intentionally. If I’m being honest, I wasn’t always a good listener, but I’m glad I was able to get a hold of it from a young age.

I started living with my aunt when I was 12. She was approaching her 70s then. Yeah, she was old. If I hadn’t met my grandma, she would’ve been the one I knew as my grandma. One thing about a lot of older people around that age is how much they talk. When I started living with her, it was really hard for me to get used to it because I love solitude so much. I mean, I would literally do anything to be left alone. But on the contrary, my aunt was always in my space. She would call me into her room and start talking about whatnots and things that weren’t really my business. And when I finally found an excuse to go back to my room, a few minutes later she’d be there again, continuing the conversation.

Honestly, I was bored a lot of times from all that talking, but I kept listening solely because I didn’t want to be rude. At that point, I was hearing her and praying she would stop talking at some point. She complained a lot about so many things, which I found unnecessary in the early days. But at some point, I began to ask myself, “Why does this woman always have something to tell me?” It wasn’t like I was the only person in the house. I had two other cousins then as well. But later, she told me why she always came to me. She said I always paid attention when she talked to me. I was never distracted, even when she was saying the most unhinged things. Deep down, it felt like such a compliment. And I also knew that I loved listening because I wasn’t much of a talker. It helped me pull my thoughts together so that when I finally spoke, I made sense.

I came to visit her a few days ago and she’s back with the whole talking session, and I’m not even complaining. It was such a sweet nostalgia. I found myself reminiscing about those times when I felt like she wanted to bore me to death with her long talks. Fast forward to now, I can only be grateful for having mastered the art of listening to a great extent. If you want to talk to me till daybreak, rest assured, I’ve got you covered.

I feel like listening is very crucial for human interaction. From experience, I’ve been able to deflate situations that could have exploded into unmanageable conflicts just by choosing to listen. To listen effectively, I’ve learned that you need to hear beyond what the person is saying and focus more on the “why.” Most times, people are misunderstood as “always complaining,” but it all stems from how the listener receives them. My mom doesn’t complain directly, but you can pick up her concerns from the regular things she says if you actually listen. And that’s what has helped me fix situations that could have caused bigger problems.

It’s quite sad that lately, most people just want to be expressive with words without actually trying to find out what the other party wants them to hear. It’s always shouting matches and people who listen only to reply. But true listening goes beyond having something to say back. It’s about understanding the emotions hidden in spoken words and trying to act or speak accordingly. Maybe then, the lock to the art of listening might finally be cracked.

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