Frail. But Loved Still || #LOH 237

I found these really old photo albums quite recently in our home. Honestly, I don't even remember ever having them around but yeah, I was going through some old stuff and I found them. As you would guess, there were just a couple of old pictures. Some were taken even before I was born because I didn't even recognise some of the people I saw with my mom and dad together. But that was not even what got so much of my attention. It was my parents. The two people that birthed me, looking so fresh and very much alive in those pictures.

Some of them showed when they were newly married and a couple when my older siblings started coming. My mom has always been beautiful, the pictures only captured just a piece of it. Her skin radiated through the pictures and my Dad looked so full of energy... a fine young man.

Halfway through smiling at pictures, I had to show my mom. I say "Mom, look at you! So beautiful." She took the pictures and she smiled a little, then shook her head followed by a hiss. I needed no interpretation of that reaction. So much time has passed over the years, and looking back now at pictures, they’re not the same strong, bubbly couple they used to be. They've had their own phase of youthful joy, strength, and dreams. They grew, had me and my 6 siblings, raised us well, and now they’re onto another phase… old age.

Not only are they now advanced in age, both of them are managing illnesses that are life-long. It’s been over 14 years since my dad got sick and had to stop the hectic job he used to have. Roles switched up a little, and my mom took over supporting the family, with his help, till we were grown enough to help out. Now, they don’t do so much, only the little things their hands can find.

Patience is one thing you learn when you're around older people. It’s not always easy taking care of both of them and attending to all their needs. We all play our different roles making sure our parents' needs are met. Especially my older siblings who help out financially in making sure the hospital bills, their numerous medications, and their need for special meals are met.

Staying with my now-old parents means having to make separate dishes every time because they don’t eat the regular meals we eat. I have to stick to the time they’re supposed to have each meal. Staying up with them sometimes when they can’t sleep, running little errands in the middle of the night, holding my mom’s hand sometimes when she’s totally down.

It requires a lot of patience and understanding because I look at them and I remember, they weren’t always this way. My mom would sometimes wish she could still do things the way she did them when she was younger and I get that feeling. It can be frustrating to look at yourself realise you can't do certain things no more. The tiredness, the anger and knowing it's something they can't control now is real and I try to imagine what it'll feel like to be in their shoes. They've done their part talinf care of me from the tender year, so I owe it to them.

Yes, there are times when I’m so tired, I just want to grab my own food, eat, and rest. Or have a good night's sleep without having to time medications. But I still remember the ones that are now a priority. No matter how old and frail they become, I still need them. Just seeing them alive is my source of happiness.No matter how hard it is, I want to keep showing up for them as best as I can. It’s the least I can do for everything they’ve done for me.

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