Who I Become

Am at the point in my life where while I've not stayed long enough to throw in the towel and quit dreaming, I am certainly old and experienced enough to see the full effects of some major decisions I've made over the years. There are quite a number of them where I reflect and feel like things could have been done differently.

Amongst my biggest 'regrets' is long periods of inaction. For the last year and a half especially, there are times I have felt completely stultified - unable to take the necessary actions to improve my lot. I've never believed in depression per say (just my personal take) but the last two years have humbled me with periods of extended unhappiness and self-doubt.

What stops it though? Isn't the way out simple enough? Isn't the solution for inaction simply to take action? Yet for the most parts we do not take action on the things that are truly important. There is always so much activity going on that blinds us from the most significant actions of the day. For me my overwhelming workload at my current job has been the excuse, but I wonder how valid it would be should I fall short of my dreams.

As I am on leave trying to put a bit of order back into my life I certainly see things a lot more clearly now. One year of unbroken consistency is what am targeting in a few parameters. Even if I fall short of the targets (the end result), I want to see who I become from such a feat.