Weekly Engagement-WK 39: Things changed when he died
Looking back to two to three years ago, we all envisioned being somewhere at this particular time in our lives. Do your plans from two years or a year ago tally with your current life? Are you living the life you dreamed of? Did things change? And how did it affect your whole plan?
My whole plan for my life changed fourteen years ago, although I have strived to be here, where I am today, one thing is still very evident, I am still not living the life I dreamed and envisioned for my future self. There was a change in the plan for my life immediately after my father's death.
I am supposed to be living my whole life, I am supposed to be making my money and enjoying myself how and when I live too, I am supposed to be done with school, done with service, and maybe out of the country furthering my education, I am supposed to own my house, have kids in there and living my life with fulfillment, I am supposed to have chains of businesses in different states and business plazas, I am supposed to be traveling different countries for vacations and sightseeing.
My mom, and siblings are supposed to be living well and taking good care of themselves with the business I was able to establish for them, we'll My late dad was included but his death did change things and affected my whole plan for my life.
Life they say will always throw at you things you never thought or planned, it will always give to one lemon and it is left for us to make of it what we choose to make out of it but the truth is, it has never been easy making lemonade out of lemon, because life is hectic and challenging.
I woke up this morning having a severe headache that was affecting my eyes, it still is and the worst is that, it has not gotten better, but one thing was evident, I felt sad and my emotions were beginning to play with me, actually the whole mood thing started yesterday morning but it got worse becausesesese I was no longer resting my brain like I should because I had a whole lot going on with me.
For the first time, I felt like ending it all inside my room, I felt like giving up, I felt like picking up the kitchen knife and slicing it through my veins to end my pain because I knew I was going through a lot of pain because I knew and felt my life was supposed to be better than how it was currently.
The life I envisioned for myself isn't where I am currently, and worst of all, it gets tougher as the day passes, the responsibilities, I have to shoulder the taking care of myself, make me feel stuck up and alone.
Although I have too many challenges notwithstanding, it would be selfish and ungrateful for me not to acknowledge that two years ago, I never thought or dreamed that I would be in school studying my dream course because I never had hope of furthering my education, I kinda gave up on school because I had so much responsibility to want to think anything about myself.
After I was given admission, I almost gave up and thought about deferring admission because I didn't see the possibility of sending myself to school especially since I wasn't ready to lose my job because it was the only source of income I got.
Things changed and got worse when I left my job to pursue my education, although I had friends who gave me the push to not give up on the admission. With my job and the plans I had for myself, I was sure of getting a better life and easier life currently, I can not get a job, although in search of one but because of school, it is hard getting one and a good paying job while I studied too.
I am still down here trying to climb up the ladder when I had envisioned that I am supposed to be high up the ladder now.
This is my entry
PS: All Images are mine.
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