My Share Of Depression and My Survival

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I was talking one day with a group of persons about depression and one person among us said "Depression doesn't exist, it is just an illusion created by people" As much as I would have loved to believe what that person said on the basis that nowadays people define depression or see depression as something else but I wouldn't and couldn't as a first-hand victim of depression.

Oxford Language defines "Depression"

• It is a feeling of severe despondency and dejection."Self-doubt creeps in and that swiftly turns to depression"

Cambridge Dictionary defines "Depression"

• The state of feeling very unhappy and without hope for the future.

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Let me tell us a little story;

After the death of my dad, I was unhappy, hurt, and filled with hate for God and whoever had hit my dad that fateful day and left him for death, and my rage extended to my loved ones. Worst of all, I could not process grief, the rest of the way everyone in the family was processing it and moving on with their life. His death was worst for me because I and my dad had so much planned and mapped out my life a few days before his death, and immediately the news of his death was officially announced to us, his family.

I felt my life crash before my very eyes, I felt every hope of a better future whisked out from my heart and I was as empty as an empty can with no hope in life if death had come for me that moment, I was sure that I would have succumbed to it without a fight.

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I started living life and pushing through, at that stage of my life, I was surviving not for myself but for my younger siblings because I felt I had nothing to live for other than them. I had no hope, I didn't know what to do with myself because the one person who gave me that hope and made my future look bright was gone.

I knew I was a shadow of myself, rarely shed tears for anyone to see and my coping mechanism for the death of my dad wasn't helping, I was withdrawn, with no smile,e and had nothing that pushed me to want to be myself anymore. I was out working not for the passion of doing that job but just to put food on that of mine and my siblings' tables.

It was a terrible phase for me, I remember how I would wish to myself that death would come fast because I knew I was out of reach, I saw my mom weep because she knew that I was the only one who was coping differently and shooting myself out of the world, and the more she tried to push me, the more we fell out and started having issues.

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I am lucky I was able to come out of that phase because many people fall into depression and never make it out alive because they couldn't and didn't have anything keeping them. Mine was my younger siblings and the thought of what life would be for them if I didn't keep holding onto the thin line that was left. I have heard people commit suicide out of depression and honestly, I am not shocked because that is the effect of depression.

It is hard and inevitable for anyone to fall into depression at any point in their life and not have suicidal thoughts or death thoughts. It is hard and inevitable for depression to happen in a person's life and whoever is involved doesn't become a shadow of themselves and lose interest in everything.

You could be in the midst of people and everyone is having fun but then, it feels like you are alone, you are in your world and your head. Many people rather keep to themselves than speak out when they feel themselves falling into this dark alley with no strength of their own because they are afraid of being mocked by people but then, it is important we know that depression is real and people go through it.

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Thank you for reading!!!

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