LOH Community Contest #175 ~ Unspoken Sacrifices of an Eldest Child

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A Woman is always expected to make sacrifices for her family. Have you ever sacrificed anything important for your loved ones and never spoken about it? Would you like to share your story with us?

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As a woman, one thing I have been made to understand is that all our lives, we live sacrificing to our parents, siblings, spouses, and then children, and over time I think it is in the DNA of every woman to sacrifice for her family, and never feel or see it as a big deal, because we are wired that way. A woman is ready to go to any length just to make sure her family both nuclear and extended are comfortable and living well, even if it means discomforting herself and they wouldn't bother because they feel their family members' happiness is their happiness, they feel once their family members are happy, they also are happy.

That is why whenever I hear about marriage, I cringe because I know most women unconsciously lose themselves to make their family happy in marriage, I use the word "unconsciously" because it is in our DNA and because they can't stand and watch their family stress themselves. Women sacrifice their careers to raise their kids and make their homes a comfy and happy place for their kids and their husbands, they sacrifice their bodies to bring a child into the world and many more than we can count. A mother could go sleepless nights because her child or children and even husband is sick, and so much, that we all know and do.

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I know if you've read up to this extent, I would wonder if I wouldn't do it and haven't sacrificed for my family, yes I would, and would do even more and yes I have sacrificed a lot. If I am not miscalculating, I think I started sacrificing for my family when I turned sixteen years of age, and I have been doing it till now when I am in my late twenties.

That is why the thought of marriage cringes me, not because I don't love marriage but because I know marriage comes with a different kind of sacrifice I am sure I am not ready or in the right frame of mind to embark on, I need a breathing space to get over myself and regain myself for sacrificing my life and my future, my time for my siblings while I wait for them to grow because I needed them to be strong and doing well when I decide to move forward.

Maybe if I hadn't gotten the wake-up call from a friend to remember myself, I would have unconsciously let go of my life and dream for them and I wouldn't be at the stage of my life I am currently at, but do I regret it, maybe I do, maybe I do not but most of all, I am proud that I stood up for them when I had the opportunity to, and I am proud of myself because irrespective of what I went through and my sacrifices, I came out strong, I still do not look like what I went through.

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Although we had our mother, but I think I took up the major role of not just being a mother but being a father and husband to my mom and siblings, so being truthful, I think I have made so many sacrifices that I sometimes wonder where I got the strength, the heart to do all of that, it went from sacrificing my monthly pay for my sibling's school fees and feeding money to sacrificing my years working just to raise them while I denied myself the things I wished for myself, the good things every young girl desired, like furthering my education at my young age, using my monthly pay to get myself good clothing when I saw something I loved and felt I needed them but because of my family, I always ended up not purchasing it.

I am currently sending myself through school with so much stress, something I would have done without any stress back then because the money was there and if of course, my parents had birthed me alone but fortunately, they didn't, so I had to stand up for my siblings.

In the year 2018 precisely, our senior aunt sent us out of her house saying her landlord didn't want us to stay in his compound which we all later found out where all lies, during that period, we didn't have any shelter over our heads except running to my mom's family compound and my mom was so sick that she was bedridden for two years, we had no one to turn to for help and going to stay in the village would mean not having access to good paying jobs and even when I saw the jobs because I didn't have anywhere to stay in the city, I had to let go of the job but it still didn't change the fact that we needed money for my sibling's school fees, daily upkeep and my mom's medication money that was costing me my whole salary in my last job.

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Then, a house girl job came, they needed someone younger but because I needed the salary, and it came with accommodation, I had to reduce my age two times backyard to secure the job, good thing my face and physique look younger than my age, and two of their requirement was that I had to cut off all my hair because they didn't need me to give the excuse of going to the hair salon just because I needed to braid my hair and I had to follow them to their church because my job was to look after their kids at home and in church and also cook.

I didn't have any options, so I had to accept the offer. I was hurt especially by the church aspect, I never believed that in my lifetime I would find myself attending such a church but I did because of family. It's this church that wears white and white robe and goes barefoot to church, it took me months to get used to walking barefooted from their house to their church any day they were attending church program, and every day when I looked myself in the mirror I wept because I was becoming a shadow of myself and every month I got my salary, I sent it immediately to my family for their monthly upkeep never removed a dim from that money because I couldn't, so it would be enough for the things they needed it for.

The last one that remains in my memory and we never talked about it was when my last born came to stay with me, my mom's stepbrothers were threatening brimstone to throw my siblings out, so he had to come to stay with me, by that time he needed to write his finally Senior secondary school examination, at that time, I had just gotten a loan ahead to pay my house rent so, my boss every month slashed my salary into two, so I could have something to hold on to, but that period that was when he came around, to enroll him into school will require money and the only option was to use the remaining salary I had to process everything, I remember weeping because that was all I had left on me and it was quarter of my salary but notwithstanding, I had the responsibility and obligations of enrolling my brother into school and that we exactly what I did, although it was hectic but I was relieved that he was able to write his exams.

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This post is in response to the Ladies of Hive Community Contest #175

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