It Isn't Easy to Overcome

over 1 year ago

Our society has made us believe that as the first child of a family, your responsibility is to take care of your family, especially in a case like mine where I lost the breadwinner at an early age, the pressure, especially from people who do not care how you are surviving or keeping up with everything to make sure your only surviving parent is not lacking, is devastating and you begin to wonder "Do I not have a life outside my family all because I am the firstborn child"?

I had difficulty sorting out my rent a few years back and when I tried to let my mom know about the new development, someone said "If you do what you are about to do, what happens to your mom" When the original question should have been how will you go about this situation at the moment or is there another alternative we can consider aside this one?"

A few days ago, I was ranting to a close colleague of mine in school about how paying my tuition fee and other school expenditures has made me penniless because the money I have come in contact with this first month of 2024 is the only responsibility I have this new month was paying of my house rent, I would have had enough money remaining in my account to take care of my personal little needs but unfortunately, paying of my tuition fee has taken away all the money I would have left for myself and while I rant about how school expenses were driving crazy and I wished I had deferred my admission back then, she jokingly said; "Come let's go for hookup (prostitution) doing that in two days, we could have enough money to take care of ourselves and meet our personal needs"

Well, this statement was a result of an unknown person who chatted with her through a social media platform (Facebook) telling her she was too beautiful and that she was wasting her beauty and not using it for anything when she should be using it to do hookup and that it pays better and faster, she also said she could help hook her up with men if she is interested and when she told the person she wasn't interested.

I mean, we both laughed at her naughty thoughts but then when I sat down, those words resonated in my head for a long time, a guy friend of mine also once asked me when we both talked about life and what we've passed through or passing through at our young age, he said "In all of these, why didn't you think of another alternative, like, Prostitution, having sugar daddies and all of the quick easy money that would have helped me out faster than I can think" in his words, he said most girls would have thought about it because, for my age, such burden and stress I had to go through was too much of a stress for a young girl.

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I told the person this truth, more times than I can count, I have caught myself thinking about, ways I could get easy and faster money especially when I am being faced with so many challenges that my little mind can not carry, many times I have thought about accepting the silly and flirty advances that most men who we know are just after us for the gratification and pleasure they want to derive from our body rather than getting to know us looking beyond our figures and our body.

I want to be able to live my life without having to worry about my next meal because I do not have the finances, I want to live life without having to worry about little things that can be solved, so yeah, when the pressure is too much on my shoulder, I
I get to think of ways I could help myself and my family out of it.

The financial challenges I am facing as a girl child and the eldest child are enough reason to have my thoughts rolling when it becomes too heavy of a burden for one person to carry especially when she has a responsibility to take care of her school and fend for herself but then, I have refused to succumb to the idea of "Using what I have to get what I want" because I do not believe that I have to go through such, to be able to get what I want for myself and my family in life.

I have learned that "Only the survivor lives to tell the story as such, I can not and should not put myself under unnecessary pressure, I can only do what I can do now, learn to appreciate and be grateful for what I have been able to accomplish these few years, do away with societal pressures, and focus on my life, taking every step one at a time.

Society is not having it easy especially for a young lady like myself but being focused and reminding yourself that you can not be like others not because you have a goal to achieve at the end of the tunnel and distraction could kill our dreams. I have learned that the world does not and can not understand me better than I know myself, so I should learn to choose what I want for myself and what I do not want. Filtering things around me will help me stay grounded while I work on becoming better and financially responsible to deal with any of my financial issues without having to break down.

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