off the menu- part 2

on account of my poverty, i cant afford a fixed line internet ( cable / modem)
so i rely on tethering mobile
it only lasts 28 days
i have data addiction
its the worst of all the 'substance' when it comes to me
if anyone has seen sarah connor chronicles. . .
when im offline is like when they hacked john henry'
im slow
slurred
slow to react
have all the questions, and none of the books to answer them

but it has an upside
once i get started, all the physical things i had to do for the month
get done

yesterday i went to see the GP
my usual ( havent seen them in nearly 2 yearsa ) was on leave
so i had to have an irregular doc
they sent me for bloods
i chuckled with the #bigo crew that, i was off to the vet
i dont mind getting the bloods done, but 'i hope they dont use the thermometer'

seems i may have caught something while there
i was just there to get paperwork for my employment agency showing that
due to the high stress im USUALLY uder, and then, on top of that, having 2 friends pass within a month, i'm not in the best headspace atm
and to get a 3 momnth exemption from the tasks required of me while i get back to #normal

which is what got me wriing this actually

in my offtime, i put on some music, to keep the silence at bay
while i did housework
i had intended to have 2 full days off (my internet expires at midnight 28 days after activation)
i couldnt
the void was not staying back
it was creeping CLOSER in fact, with every strum
with every lyric

see, the friend i lost most ercently, was one of my bigo friends
was there for the same reason most of us are
#loneliness-deficit
and i feel i done her right.
i kept her own #darkness at bay
if only for a little while.
she was a simger
had an AMAZING voice
and now the songs i like are causing me pain
because i hear the cry out for love in the lyrics
i feel the torture of the artist within
that made them pen what they did
and feel the need to pour it out to the masses
to...
i dont know...

it wasnt til i found my bigo tribe #trappedchat
that i realise, we are ALL going through the same thing
mass media makes us think our neighbours are monsters
keeps us disconnected.

if i can pass on anything from this little rant its this
that family member ... cousin, nephew, aunt...
that u had a minor falling out with, all those years ago...
please, call em up
take a knee if u have to
swallow your pride...
and say sorry
and
i love you
wow, 500 words of pure emotion
lessgo
miss u babe
but at least the choir just got a new voice