another day same feel

here i am
again
in the same state
ready to ...
fk... i dont even know WHAT i plan to do
they have suspended my payments
yet again
apparently they are going to suspend them in a week again
time to..
i honestly dont even know
how is it that im getting no assistance
in finding a job
that APPARENTLY i MUST HAVE
from people
whos job it is
to HELP ME FIND a job?
how is it, that the government pays them
to assist me
and they dont do any assisting?

just had a guest
they wanted to talk
ive had abig day
didnt want to talk
ESPECIALLY abou tthe day ive had, and rehashing it
i know what i have to do
i just dont have the means to do it if the weather s foul
also
how is what i need to do
your problem?
why do you have to have an input?
why cant i just tell you what happened today
and you accept that
it was the day i had?
is this why i dont tell you anything?
is this the reason i closed off to you?
or is it because you used my pain against me on more than one occasion when we fought?

i dont know

my job network guy tried to tell me today that im intentionally playing life on hard mode
and that my aspirations of working in the field of computers
was a nogo
because i am 'unskilled'
strange
if u guys would pay for the course ( which is why funding is assigned to my name when you guys get when i sign up)
to put me into the study that gets me the accreditation
awesome
but dont tell me that i dont have skills, based on one statement
shrug
anyways, rant complete, not that anyone will have read this
stay safe out there