Blood & War

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Sci-fi, Fantasy, Romance, Crime, Mystery/Thriller, Horror, Comedy, Action, Young Adult, Documentary… given my personality, what am I likely to choose? Romance! If anyone knows me, they will say, “She’s rom-com person”. Which is not a lie. I love rom-coms. It is my preferred genre when it comes to fiction both written and filmed. I just love to laugh and get lost in a world of bedazzled and enamored heroes. However, what goes on in my head is very different.

I am a rom-com person. For the life of me, I cannot watch any horror film with both eyes open. I would never sign up to live my life in a horror film or one that looks like it. As a young girl who leans more towards the dark side of everything because she is naïve and thinks the world functions like some kind of wheel, I tend to get excited by… not normal things. I have had my bursts of anger and my fits of rage, and the mind is a dangerous place and it feeds on the Intel you give it. Sometimes, I fear that one day I would just explode and go kaboom on people. This has already happened by the way.

Psychological Thrillers is another favourite. Mostly the books. I have watched a few movies and animes based on mind games alone, it is thrilling. Then we have my habit of falling into daydreams where it is raining blood and rolling heads. I do not even know if I can stand the sight of blood. I watch crime documentaries when I am bored and shudder at chilling stories of animalistic behaviours. So why does the concept of anarchy appeal so much to me?

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I mostly get lost in this state when I read or hear the news. Always triggered when reminded of the uselessness of our government. I just want to see their heads roll especially the fat cows. Anyway, I cannot make this happen. I can only imagine it and in my head, I am always doing the slitting. Funny how I can easily imagine cutting someone’s head off but cannot stand to see an open wound. Talk about a conflicting personality. I do not even know what I want…lol

Nevertheless, the main point is… I would live on the part of fiction where the powerful thrive. The boss in the shadows, the dumb one who is always underestimated, the puppeteer mistaken for the puppet. A road of twists and turns - burns and triumphs. I have imagined being an undercover spy surrounded by cold, calculating people and two scenarios always play in my head at the end… their death or mine.

I write fiction because I imagine myself daily as different characters. The only time I am sane enough to comprehend that this is reality is when I am working or playing. Every other time, I am living in the make believe world inside my head. Reminds me of Sub-Urbans’ line in his famous song, Cradles, “Tape my eyes open to force reality”. In essence, in reality, I am a rom-com girl but inside my head, it is all blood and war.