20 November 2025, @mariannewest's Freewrite Writing Prompt Day 2927: amateur detective
“So, since you are a real detective and not an amateur detective, we thought we would ask you, because that would solve our problems and Grayson's problems: just how would you use pattern recognition to find the Lever of Insanity so we can get all these money people, all these construction people, and a whole bunch of people fighting about politics and Covid like we don't all have to live in the world together after this year – so we can get them away from the lever and destroy it?”
Col. H.F. Lee had just come from work and his Special Investigations unit had just broken a cold case – it would be in the news later. However, his Ludlow cousins Eleanor (11), Andrew (10), and Grayson (6) along with their friend Velma Trent (11) were waiting on him with a real conundrum, and Andrew's statement of the case was unlike anything he had heard of before.
Mrs. Maggie Lee took one look at his perfectly straight face and said, “Let me go get y'all some snacks,” and disappeared into the house to laugh until she cried and then bring snacks.
“Thank you, Maggie,” the colonel purred in response to her, and then turned back to the children.
“OK, so first, I've never even heard of the Lever of Insanity,” Col. Lee said. “This sounds like something the U.S. Army needs to hear about too.”
“Well, yeah, but, don't do something evil like weaponizing it,” Velma said. “We need people to stop pulling it, not set other people up to be pulling it.”
“Oh, I was thinking about Army situations in which we could stop pulling it and do better – purely a self-defense matter,” the colonel said. “I think that if this exists, it would be too dangerous to attempt to turn it into a weapon.”
“Is this kind of like that piece of plutonium called the Demon Core?” Eleanor said. “I mean they couldn't even experiment on that thing without it killing the folks doing it.”
“Yes, but folks pulled the Lever of Insanity in that thing too, because how do you prop open the safety dome with just a pencil when it has already killed someone – and that first someone died because of basically stacking blocks the wrong way around it?” Andrew said.
“Which means the Lever of Insanity is more dangerous,” Velma said.
“That explains a lot,” Grayson said. “A whole bunch of people around here don't know how to stack and build stuff. You don't even need plutonium, whatever that is.”
“No, you really don't,” Col. Lee said. “How did you all discover the Lever of Insanity?”
“It's kind of necessary for it to exist, based on recent events,” Andrew said. “I mean, people have got to be pulling it to get pylons wrong by a hundred feet or more, borrowing money they don't have for markets at a time like this, and putting cotton balls and asbestos in high school walls – and then there's everything happening on Uppity Foolery Watch.”
“People who have that much money, getting caught out there – I mean, we thought Glendella's biological grandparents were dumb as as they come, but, no!” Velma said.
“I've seen a bunch of stuff in and around the police department in Big Loft that also would be readily explained by the Lever of Insanity,” Col. Lee said. “One would think the lever might just be in Lofton County.”
“Maybe,” Grayson said. “Like I said, it would explain a lot.”
“What if the thing migrates?” Eleanor said. “I mean, an insane lever probably can levitate.”
“Oh, it definitely gets around,” Velma said.
“I wonder if it hovers at eye height, and people are just reaching up and grabbing it,” Andrew said. “It seems so easy for people to do this.”
“OK, this is an important detail,” Col. Lee said, “because this means if it can be found, you don't want to try to catch it, or you may pull it by mistake.”
“That actually makes sense,” Andrew said. “It's not like we can afford to grab it, actually.”
“This is the world's biggest call-for-backup type of situation!” Eleanor said.
“That's probably the best anyone can do,” Col. Lee said. “Instead of accidentally grabbing it or doing anything grabbing it will cause you to do, pray first and then call one of us adults who loves you. We'll help you fight it off.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Grayson said.
“Yeah, I like it, because after all, we are just kids,” Velma said. “Adults can't even handle the Lever of Insanity safely, so what are we going to do but leave it alone and call for help?”
“Nothing,” Col. Lee said.
“But can we really trust the adults to be the adults?” Grayson said.
“Not all of them,” the colonel said. “But, enough around here.”
“This is true,” Grayson said. “Nothing is falling in around here, and people actually repair stuff when it is necessary.”
“When grown folks actually realize what it means to be grown and responsible,” Eleanor said.
“No need to even be pulling on that lever,” Velma said. “That's it!”