18 January 2025, @mariannewest's Freewrite Writing Prompt Day 2621: applied for the wrong job

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

“You know how y'all come to our house when your grandfather gets one of those calls and starts busting out the deep bass and wrecking their entire world?” eleven-year-old Velma Trent said to her best friend eleven-year-old Eleanor Ludlow. “Well, somebody just called my grandfather and he just said, 'Man, you done called here and applied for the wrong job,' and the last time that happened, oh boy! So, we came on over here.”

“See, baritone billionaire is basically the same thing as basso profondo if you get him mad,” nine-year-old Milton Trent explained. “It's why the operas have the basses as kings and stuff, but they are just actors so they need the deeper voice to get across to you the wrecking power that an angry billionaire can bring into your life.”

“I really don't know why y'all are panicking,” eight-year-old Gracie Trent said. “Pop-Pop doesn't get mad with people who call him with more mouth than money – he is going to just start laughing at them, any minute now.”

“But it hits different when you are little older and you know the other person is losing a couple thousand dollars per ha-ha,” Velma said.

“Look, Velma,” Gracie said, “everybody who has Pop-Pop's number knows who he is. If they ain't worried about losing a couple thousand dollars per ha-ha, why should I be?”

“Good point,” Velma said. “I hadn't thought about it that way.”

“I kinda have reached that conclusion about people who bother Papa,” Eleanor said. “He was in the Army 33 years, and has been tearing up the foster care system and family courts for most of the last three years – you really don't have to do that much research on the last 35 years to realize that if you mess with Robert Edward Ludlow Sr. or anyone he cares about, he will show you why he is called 'Hell to Pay.'”

“You know what?” ten-year-old Andrew Ludlow said as he came out of the house with a tray full of bowls of fruit for his sister and their Trent guests. “I thought about this. Unfortunately, speed dial is slower than prayer, but faster than Google, so folks can get on their phones, call our grandfathers and a whole lot of other people, and wreck their entire lives easier than they can do research.”

“Oh,” the other four children said as enlightenment came.

“That's deep, man,” Milton said.

“I'm telling you,” Andrew said, “the way to make it in this world is, pray first, Google second, and then make the call only if the coast is clear with God first, and then the research – I'm telling you!”

“Yep, because, see, another victim of not having the Andrew Ludlow system of public communication is being made right now,” Velma said as the sound of Mr. Thomas Stepforth Sr. taking his time and laughing someone to absolute scorn came forth.

“How many ha-has are in a peal of laughter?” Eleanor said. “That's at least ten ha-has, so what is that – $20,000 per peal, at a couple thousand dollars per ha-ha?”

“Yeah, that money is peeling off their bank accounts, messing with Pop-Pop,” Milton said.

“When you don't take the time to ask God or Google, you can expect it to get expensive!” Velma said.

“Ain't it the truth,” Gracie said.