RE: Sam's Hangout #73- “CHOOSING A PARTNER”
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If one of those qualities are missing will you make a compromise?.
Omo this one sha... but honestly, I feel like these things about qualities are actually overrated. Let's even face it: we had our grandparents who were mostly together through arranged marriage, grow old together without divorcing or whatever. I've done a bit of research and from my research, it proved that these people were together till the end because they were intentional about their relationship. Secondly the factor of shame was very much existent then, in the sense that, the society really frowned at divorce and it was a shameful act to do so.
So they being together was really an intentional act despite the flaws of each other.
This brings me to the question, "when did this idea of qualities in a man before saying yes, become a standard?"
Because come to think of it, so many ladies have turned spinsters today because they are still looking for a man that ticks all the boxes.
Now I'm not saying marry anything you see, but when we talk about qualities, there are basic characters a normal human should portray that shows this is a human being. Characters like Kindness and Compassion is such a basic thing. Traits like intelligence and hard work is something every man should embody. When I say intelligence, I don't mean having a high level of intelligence. I mean knowing what you should do at the right time and doing it and that is related strongly to wisdom.
Because the idea that this marriage is forever and that means you both have all the time to get to learn each other and tolerate your excesses.
I’ve always told people, there’s no one I can’t live with. Except it’s a mentally deranged person.
So if I see a man that loves me and behaves like a normal human being, having the normal characters like kindness and ability to show love, then why not?
This is my opinion though.
Oya o @young-tari @chopee @coolbabe88 and @fashtioluwa
What do y’all think?
Hello there. First off, this is brilliant. Here's what I think. I don’t think we should compare marriages during the time of our grandparents to this century’s own. Let’s face reality! Times have changed. Back then, people got married to their partners regardless of certain factors like money, but now, I would not advise anyone to try that.
I agree with you, though I'm not saying I have differing opinions. I agree with you that people should not set rigid marriage standards. Otherwise, they will just keep wasting time. I'll say this: Don’t settle for less, and at the same time, don’t look for someone who would tick all your boxes. Instead, look for someone who is kind and honest and who would be ready to build a family with you.
Here's what I think...
Certain basic qualities should be looked out for. Understand that these qualities vary based on gender.
There are qualities that must be found in a woman such as: ability to build and raise a home, ability to plan and prepare family's meal, ability to respect and submit to the head of the family, etc.
While for a man, certain qualities such as ability to love, care and lead a home or call it family, ability to work hard and provide for the family, ability to protect the family, etc.
So, if these qualities are in place, then we can go further in our discussion, if not, maybe I'd compromise.