My Soft Spot, My Scar

If I could change just one thing about my personality, it would be my ability to be free and open with everyone. And the truth is that it’s not even something I force myself or try so hard to do. It comes so naturally to me. I find it really incredibly easy to relate with people, to connect and share things with people, but funny enough, I find it painfully difficult to detect when some of those people are really not being real with me.

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I don’t know how others see this trait of mine, but one thing I know is that being toxic is not in my nature. Some people say I’m either too dramatic or too easy, others say I’m too emotional, and some even think I’m fake. Like wait a minute! Fake? But honestly, I don’t know how to do fake friendships. All I really want is for everyone around me to be happy. Tell me, is that really such a bad thing?

But do you want to know the sad part? it often turns around and shoots me in the foot. Yeah you heard me right. But I still don’t seem to learn from my mistakes.

I’ve been betrayed more times than I can count. I’ve literally cried silently and deeply over the reactions I get from people I thought I could actually trust. These are people I honestly expected more from. And yes, I know—we’re told time and time again not to expect too much from people. But tell me, how do you not expect the best from someone you genuinely care about? Someone you call a friend? And this isn’t even about gender at all, it’s just people.

Sometimes, after opening up, I catch myself wondering: Why did I even say that? Why did I tell this person so much? Why didn’t I just keep this to myself?
(Oh no, don’t get me wrong; I keep people’s secrets. I don’t damage people’s privacy, no not at all.)
But If there’s one part of my personality I would love to change, this would be it. Learning to keep more about myself to myself could save me a lot of heartache.

Honestly, I think I inherited this trait from my dad. He’s also the type who’s free and open with everyone, and over the years, we’ve seen how that has become one of his greatest weaknesses. So maybe I shouldn’t blame myself too much yeah, maybe it’s in the blood.

Still, life has really taught me the hard way, and so, I’ve grown stronger, I’ve matured and I’ve learned to rebuild myself each time things come crashing down. Maybe that’s the one good thing about it all. Yea, this openness may have left me bruised, but it also made me resilient.

And for that, I’ll always be thankful, even if I still wish I could change just that one part of me.

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