Freedom isn't Far From Being Alone

While growing up, I felt detached from my family most of the time. Funny enough, I can't really place the real reason behind it. Whether it stemmed from the fact that I had three brothers as younger ones and they didn't really make me feel like the girl I was, (I really hated the fact that they wanted to include me in their rough activities as boys) or it came from the fact that my dad was always away because of work and he was my favorite.

I really can't place the reason for my detachment. But then, this really led me to want to make so many friends. I really loved making friends and having them around.

I could remember the first betrayal I faced as a child. I was just 9 years old and I had two best friends then. They were my closest friends and so I shared whatever I had with them.
But then I got betrayed when one of them went home to tell my mom that I had used the money she gave me for lunch to buy sweets and that I bought for them too.
My mom was angry with me and I really felt bad.

I think it took three strikes to make me understand that being a lone ranger was the best way I could find my peace.

It really isn't the best per se, but if I think about the shackles of pain, friendship has put me in, then maybe I should be bold enough to say being alone is freedom to me.

At the moment, I have just four best friends and they have really been family since I knew them. It's been 7 years of knowing these beautiful souls and yes we've had our struggles but betrayal is out of it.
Support is number one on the list and it's something that I cherish so much. I can also say that, now, I cherish my family more than any other thing.

Something happened to me during service that made me cherish this little circle of friends I have and not clutter myself with so much irrelevant people.

During my National Youth Service, I had just left camp and so I went in search of my Place of Primary assignment(PPA). After I found the place, the school proprietor said there was no accommodation for me and so I had to go look for a house to rent.

After I found a place, someone I met in camp reached out to me saying that she really needs an accommodation and asked if I could accommodate her.
I gave it a thought and because we were being close during camp, I agreed. She brought some money and I did too. And together, we purchased some items for the house.
Fast forward to a few months into us living together-we started having severe arguments over irrelevant things.

At a point, I got tired of staying with her and moved to a friend’s place. My consolation every time was: “this is just a few months struggle and it will soon be a phase.”

And indeed, when we left, I cut her off completely. Not that we don't get to talk when we have the chance, but it's not as a friend would do to a friend. Because, of a truth, freedom stems from knowing what your chain looks like, knowing how to cut yourself loose, and of course, taking the action to cut yourself loose.

I'm very content with the people in my life that has proven over the years to be of value to me and have allowed me to impact their lives in many positive ways I have seen possible. Because at the end of the day, that is all that matters.

All images are mine
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