Beyond Love

Every other day, someone asks me, “What do you want in a man you want as a husband?” And without hesitation, the first thing that comes out of my mouth is, “Godfearing.” Like It’s my ready-made response before I even begin to list other qualities. But as I sat down to truly reflect and write on this prompt, I realized something really surprising; I haven’t really thought deeply about what I want in a man I want to marry.

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Sincerely, it goes beyond being Godfearing or physically attractive. Yes, those things matter. And surely, some persons would say, “Oh, love shouldn’t be the top priority,” especially when listing what matters in marriage. But here’s the truth: I’ve had my fair share of failed relationships. And no, it wasn’t because there was no love; of course love was definitely present. But what was missing, and what ultimately led to the end, was the absence of patience. There just wasn’t enough patience to deal with the flaws we saw in each other.

So now, as I think about it more clearly, I believe what I truly need in the man I want to marry is love and patience. Because you can’t really be patient with someone you don’t love. When you genuinely love someone, patience becomes easier. And with time, oh yes, time; because I know they say, marriage is for ever and should not be played with but you see, with time, patience has the power to change things.

Patience allows for growth. It brings understanding. It fosters deep knowledge about your partner; I mean, the kind that doesn’t happen overnight. Maybe I’m still figuring it all out and maybe I still don’t even have the full picture yet, but one thing I know is that love and patience are two qualities I can work with and build on with certainty.

That’s not to say that money isn’t important ; it definitely is. But more than anything, I love to see my man grow. I find joy in progress, in development. I wouldn’t want him to remain the same man I met on day one. But that kind of transformation only happens when I am patient enough to walk the journey with him, and when he is patient enough to understand me and grow with me too.

So maybe my standards aren’t really solid yet, but I know that they are deeply rooted in values that matter. And if we both live in love and choose patience to lead our lives, then I believe everything else will fall into place.

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