When Families Pull Together In Times of Need
This week a WhatsApp message went out within the family circle asking for help with regard to an elderly aunt who needs 24 hour care. This family member has not had private medical or funds for old age and we all chip in when she needs something. This was the first time a message for help has gone out and you have no idea how others will respond and if they have the financial means to assist.
Now the needing something is not a car or a place to stay and is far more serious needing around the clock medical care. We gave her a place to stay 20 years ago and if I am honest was never meant to be a permanent solution as even back then her brothers mentioned putting her in an old age home. This is why we have not sold the property as how can you in this situation? Next was a car which she no longer drives as the many dents tell you every journey is a risk. She is well into her nineties and is stubborn, set in her ways and obviously at the same time petrified she will not be doing what she was able to do before. Independence is such a massive thing and when that goes what do you have left?
Last week she collapsed and had to have family members knock down a bathroom door to extract her. The idea of having to go to a home would definitely not have been accepted as this is her final moments of freedom. The compromise was having two nurses stay with her on a full time basis. One would do the day shift and the other the night shift and these do not come cheap, but far cheaper than a care home.
I know more about what care homes cost these days as my mother is currently in one in the UK and the amounts are eye wateringly expensive. In South Africa they are about half the price of the UK which is still a lot of money as everything is relative and you cannot convert even though I cannot help myself and always do.
When it comes to family and health what do you do in this instance when you know someone does not have the funds? A WhatsApp message went out to all the families which is quite a large circle as she was the eldest daughter from 5 kids and most have done rather well for themselves. She was the odd one out and the response has been very good. Her care has been fully covered by 14 families all chipping in a monthly contribution.
Two families did state that if the desired amount was not met then they would cover the difference. One family asked who would be managing the funds so we do have a mixed bunch who are not the easiest to get on with. I guess only time will tell if this situation works or she will need to be moved to a care home which I think will happen as this is a stop gap measure and not the solution. I know the property where she stays as I own the property and it is fine for now, but does not have the facilities that she would require if her health deteriorates. This was more about her independence which she has fought for so long to keep. Personally I can understand that part because ending up in a care home is never temporary and is often your final home.
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It's great that you were able to provide the necessary support in this difficult situation with a family member's health. It's not easy to deal with an elderly person with ingrained customs or habits that make them behave with a certain stubbornness, but in part it's understandable for someone who, as you rightly point out, doesn't want to give up their independence and ability to fend for themselves.
I commend your diligence and attention toward this family member who needs it so much, and I hope you continue to find the best way and willingness to support her.