Should you leave your country?
I don’t know about you but I have always had a love-hate relationship with my place of origin. Growing up in an Eastern European country is no picnic. For those who had the courage and the audacity to leave Romania to go and live abroad for at least a couple of months and then to come back….they know what I am talking about. I think that it is almost impossible to have a fair judgement of any situation if you don’t have a solid point of reference. I will not believe a person who says to me: “come to my town, it is the most beautiful from the entire world” if that person has never gone to visit other places. In my country there are still people who have never left their village – some of them are happy and content while others marinate in regret, always wondering “what if..”.
Have I left my country and came back? Yes, multiple times. My other points of reference are nordic countries. The differences in mentality are huge. My biggest concern as a woman is safety. How safe do you feel walking on the streets of your town during the day or at night? Can you dress in a decent feminine way without feeling like a pray or have men stalking you? In some parts of India it is unsafe for women to even go to a public toilet so the factor of safety is something worth addressing when choosing a place to call my country. The second factor I consider is the length of the maternity leave. I believe that the first years of a child’s life are fundamental. A baby needs his mother as much as possible during his first two years. For me it would be unconceivable to return to work three months after I had my baby yet this is something that is normal in some developed countries. Before thinking about money one should think about the kind of family culture that they want to have and the kind of partner they want to be. Prioritizing a career will leave little time for nurturing the family and we all know that.
Education is another important pillar of the family. Where will your child go to school? Do you like their curriculum and the way the personnel is handling the children? Is the government supportive of teaching children valuable life skills or are schools still following the old industrial model? Before choosing a new country for myself I would study the educational system and what advantages/disadvantages it has. A lot of the times we as adults think that we need a lot of money for when the children will come. But a lot of money will not compensate for a school with a malfunctional paradigm in which children are being taught. I know that in Eastern Europe things need a lot of adjustment and I personally would not trust my child pursuing public education in the current educational norms set by the standard curriculum. This is not happening only in here and I must confess that my discovering of this same issue in USA gave me a feeling of bittersweet release: oh….so we’re not alone in this educational mess that we’re putting our children into.
I am an introvert and I love my quiet time. I dislike noisy and crowded places. I was pleasantly surprised by how quiet it is to ride a train in a nordic country. I remember being able to barely hear a fly on the wall. Another factor I would look at is how people are in general and what’s the culture of the place: are people polite, rude, cold, verbose, quiet etc. ? When you go to a new country you also adhere to their culture. Some are friendly and chatty and some are prudent and distant. I prefer people who are not noisy, too curious or talk too much. I find it tiresome and simply boring to be around people who talk a lot for the sake of it without saying much. I prefer people who respect a public means of transportation and honor it with decent behaviour and silence. I have heard stories of people feeling lonely and alienated in a nordic country because the natives are so introverted...but I loved it. I have found my country of origin to be a hot mess in this regard when I came back. There is something soothing and healing to know that you live in a country with a culture which involves respect, less talking and more minding of your own business.
Finally I would think about growing old. Yes...I will be someday a lovely old lady. And I will need healthcare. I would fear for my life if I were to grow old in my country. The healthcare system is malfunctioning badly. I would not trust them with my life , my husband’s life or my children’s life. I think that living in a country where you can chill and relax knowing that if it were something to happen to you , you will be handled correctly and ethically, is a huge gift. It should be normal but it isn’t. We all know what a hot mess this topic is in the USA.
I can predict what a naysayer would tell me now: oh but there are plenty people of success that stayed in their poor countries and made a difference. Hooray yes! But with what cost? You see, for every choice that we (not) make we pay a price. Some have paid with their life in order to change something in a rotten system. Some were never able to have children or a family because they were busy fighting the system. And some just stayed there because they knew nothing better. I look at success as being a form of balance in all areas of life: a financially rich person who wakes up in the morning and has nobody to say to “I love you” is not a person of success, no matter where they live.
In the end I believe that moving to a different country depends of how big of a dream you have for yourself and for your future family and the amount of force that it has to push you from your current rathole. I have always felt an alien in my own country. I often think of a way out. I can’t relate to how people in here behave and think. I don’t feel this connection that some call the patriotic love. I invite you to ponder and think why do you stay where you stay and if you were to have the courage to make a change...where would you go and why?
I personally would see myself living in a country like Norway , Denmark, Luxembourg or Switzerland. How about you?
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I am happy living here in Lithuania. I just wish that nearby would be no war.
What do you like about your country? Tell me more
I don't travel so I don't really have anything else to compare it to. But it also means that all my memories are from this country. I love watching basketball probably because my dad took me to some games in the Arena when I was small. I also love that I live outside of the city. I don't like interacting with people so this place is perfect for me. But even big cities in Lithuania are not too big so that is something I like.
It seems that this is the perfect place for you,can you tell me more about the education system? Were you happy as a child to go to your school?
I think that education system is not bad here. Sometimes I liked going to school. The positive thing was that it was just a few steps away.
Oh yes! I so resonate with this as it's the topic I'm wrestling with now and has been for a while. It's a difficult decision to make, leaving home behind, but as you say, unfortunately Romania gives you so many reasons to do so. Personally, I would head towards the southern countries, like Spain. But it's probably go and come back to visit for me.
Halelujah! You as a fellow romanian can definetely understand the frustrations and possible mental health issues arising from living in such a system. No matter how much I try I just can't find a way to fit in here, I felt so much more at home in Denmark than I feel now in here. I guess it depends on people and how they imagine a better life for a future family. I will ponder and make the decision with the idea that I make a better choice than previous generations who had little options in comparison to us
You seem to think things through, so I'm sure whatever decision you reach will be the right one. And even if not, it's never too late to go back or set out later. Life has a way of changing things around, doesn't it? :)
But I would say, if you don't feel like you fit in and have tried and tried, maybe it's not just a bizarre occurrence. Maybe it's some part of the universe or God saying maybe this place isn't for you. I think so, anyway.
Yup I think about it thoroughly and I turn my idea on all sides to make sure that I look at the problem from all angles.
I do believe in divine alignment and that God always paves the right path for each of us. If you were to ask me 10 years ago about the place where I would go and the stuff I would do....I would have never thought of what actually happened. So maybe it is a mix of divine and intention as we can't rely solely on divinity without an actual plan of action and a definite intention.
Who knows...but no matter what I pick I do know one thing: it is always better to make a choice and have that turn out wrong rather than to have never tried anything new at all. As much as we hear this old cliché that tells us that with age going up you have to settle, I dare to believe that any age is good for a change as we only live once. And boy do the regrets of the things undone make plenty of people wish they had the courage to just...do it.
Oh yes <3 I agree - what you say about settling down resonated with me a great deal. I think we're tempted to fall into that thinking sometimes, especially when we see peers settling down, we think come on, it must be my turn sometime (As in I owe it to the world to do so). But I don't think you should settle just because. Certainly not if you don't even think it's your place to do so there. Best of luck, lovely~ <3
Peer pressure is something that has to be avoided by all means. We have all gone through this, especially if you are over 30 . Screw that as everybody has their own path to forge:)
It's a two way traffic. If there's need for living outside one's origin, then let it be
Interestingly Israel is the safest place in the world for a woman to walk around the streets at night. Tel Aviv is a 24 hour busy party city that you can let your 14 year old daughter wander around at 2am in the morning - I have.
It is the only city I know of that is super happening and cool but also very safe.
Unfortunately the Nordics and most of Western Europe are no longer safe for women during the day, let alone at night. Rapes have gone through the roof in the last decades. You can guess why.
My sister is the principal of a high school in the center of Oslo and she has had death threats, rocks thrown through her windows at home, two stabbings and a shooting outside her school in broad daylight. All in the last 12 months.
Oh wow I would have never thought of such happenings in Oslo! I have never been to Israel, perhaps you could tell me more about it as it seems you are familiar with it.
At a global scale there is a rise in violence, I am not sure if any country is spared?
I don't recommend Italy. It's good only for tourists. And also for tourists is overpriced.
But about the food yes, we really eat better than other countries, for what I've heard.
Ah Italy....I would never consider it either. Too many people from my country are there it would feel like I never actually made a change.
Very good and important points, also thought a bit of the topic recently of moving somewhere else, where I like the ppl better, but am afraid ppl are the problem everywhere 😄 infrastructure is also an important factor, where is the school system and health system not broken? or it boils down to money eventually, with a lot of money you can probably fix most things regardless where you live.
Ah someone give me a Planet just for me, then I will be content🤣🤣🤣🤣
Human nature is something fickle. But education and culture can refine it. This is a process lasting for decades and even hundreds of years. I am sure that 1000 years from now my country will be a magnificent place to live as infrastructure will be better. But how will someone from a different country 100 years before us will look at that beauty?
Money can solve a lot of problems but let me tell you that I have seen obnoxious and uneducated people with plenty of money and I would not like to share a society with them. So I would still boil it down to education as character is hard to down right impossible to alter in old age. The reason why some countries are unsafe and a danger to live in is because, in my opinion, good useful education and true democracy are still a dream.
I know what you mean! Stay strong and support your place in this challenging times...and yes take the time off to be inspired for new beginnings afterwards!
Support from your southern neighbors! ;)
Ah I feel the smell of patriotism in your reply and it is admirable 😁 Of course that I am aware that through the suffering of the previous generations of my ancestors I am now able to touch the screen of my phone and write my reply to your reply of my article about how I do not feel lovey dovey for my country. And from this inner conflict the battle within stems. I can love my country yet decide to leave or I can stay and resent it. Who knows....thank you for the southern support🌼
Would you add other planets to your list of possible places if they were ready within the next 10 years?
Thinking of the Moon or Mars colonies?
Uuu sometimes I want to leave this Planet so this is a juicy question🤣🤣🤣 If I could join a team of good humans with excellent ethic, morale and common sense, I would consider the thought. But now there would be this dilemma: can you ever be sure that changing the Planet will change the problems inherent to human nature which can cause any planet to be destroyed and become a place of suffering?
Good question. People will always be people. However, given that for the first few decades on the Moon or Mars (especially Mars being so far away), everyone will be focused on just staying alive which will help to keep them grounded I'm sure.
Maybe not to live there permanently, but everyone should have the opportunity to visit another country (besides their own) at least once in their life.
I totally agree! If they do not have that opportunity they should create it for themselves as in 2025 there is pretty much no excuse for not finding a way to get out of any rathole if one is a healthy functional adult.
I like how you tried to cover the topic from all aspects. I will just add a question to this topic:
What is the psychological effect can this have?
It is believed that when someone leaves their own country with their own well, (that they were calling home). They cannot return to it and see it the same way as they left.
I am not sure about how true that is. But, what do you think?
Interesting question. I will answer from my personal perspective and experience. I have found that after a while in a foreign country one can develop a sort of nostalgia . I remember missing the most my local cuisine and being quite a foodie it was a challenge. But then I thought to myself: good local food is not of a enough reason to want to stay in your country of origin where safety is a huge issue. So I think that this phenomenon of missing some sprinkles of the good things we liked can turn into sadness if a reality check treatment is not swiftly applied lol. It is like in history, when people who have gone through times of ordeal idealize them decades later , hanging on on those sprinkles of good. What is your take on this and,if I may ask, do you like where you live and why?
Thank you.. My only perspective was to cover as much as possible of this. Since, you are sharing something personal here. But, I was glad to read "Interesting question".
I have not had that experience before. I traveled as a tourist and came back. Never tried this before. So, I know that others might experienced this and could say something personal about it. But, I know that this is the sort of thing that is not comparable.
What I mean by that is, one could choose to be somewhere else at times. But, cannot really tell if he stayed in his place for the same amount of time, it would be better for him (as no one can be in two different places at the same time).
There is a nice saying about it, it goes something like this: "We might not be able to tell if our choice was the best one. But, we need to work on making it a right one".
It sounds like it is an approach that would also work in relationships as there is no possible way to know if you have chosen the right one but for sure you'll work your ass off to make it a right one:)) Thank you for your valuable insights:)
Valuable insights?
Thank you, I appreciate it. But, I am not taking credit for that as it is something that I came across.
And yes, you are absolutely right with the way you re-phrase that. It is exactly what I was trying to say.
How many times I asked myself the same question 15-20 years ago... I love my home/guest country, but I disliked what it was turning into... Being born in a country that isn't "yours", living more than half of your life there, and moving to another country where you are also a foreigner is something peculiar... Being a Hungarian, born in Serbia, having a war, bombing, and "being different nationality" in those times, it was hard to grasp in my childhood... Especially as the hate was built on differences, Serbs against Croats, Orthodox vs Catholics, rich vs poor...
Despite all that, I still love nature, my hometown, the Danube, my friends, my family... But, I decided to leave my (born) country and move to Spain 14 years ago... It wasn't as hard a decision as I thought it would be, as the circumstances in which we were living were making it easier... Our son was 4 years old, he went to a kindergarten and he had a hard time adapting there... He was mocked by other children and was crying every day in kindergarten. He hated it...
On the other side, I had my business developed for years, having my loyal clients, and all in all, I was doing okay... My wife, too... But... I realized that the direction where the county was going was wrong... I felt pressure from society to do things that I wouldn't like to do... It was pushing me to cheat, to bribe, to lie, just to survive... Seeing that, I didn't want my child to have the same future as I had in my childhood... So, we moved out...
We weren't too "picky" about where to go, as anywhere would be better than where we were... We tried Australia, New Zealand, Canada... In the end, we got a call from a friend from Spain to pay him a visit and see how it goes... just for a vacation... We went for 3 weeks, and after that vacation had a long discussion of the pros and cons... Some other stars got aligned, and we left...
The decision to move to Spain was probably one of the best that we took... It's not a "dreamland", but the quality of living, beautiful weather, and peace of mind is something that I appreciate a lot... Having a vision of how it was and how it is now, I can't complain...
Good luck with your decision-making... Don't overthink things... With a good attitude, certain things get sorted out by themselves...
And regarding this...
I would never change the Spanish sun for those countries... 😂 Realizing how important the yellow thing in the sky is spoiled me... But, sunny days are much more motivating, inspiring, and "easier to live"... 😎
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You tried plenty of options before settling in. I think that the hardest part was seeing your child going through the difficulty of adapting to a place he did not like. Parents do everything for their child and I bet it wasn't easy to witness that.
New Zealand....that is a far away land to test out. It looks fabulous on the map but perhaps the reality of what is it like to live there is different than what we can watch on Youtube.
I agree with the lack of sun in nordic countries , it did not affect me that much but I have to be honest and say that coming back to my country where the lack of sun is not a reality made me appreciate it even more.
What do you like about Spain and how is education there better for your child?
The thing was that he couldn't adapt to the kindergarten in my hometown! When we came to Spain, and on the first day of kindergarten here, he came home happy despite not knowing the language! That was such a big relief for us... to see him happy!
Well, our son is now a grownup, and he is at the Music University (1st year)... His education could be better, but we are happy with his attitude... It was more about his effort to learn than to go to school... But music school is a bit different...
What do I like about Spain? Most of the things... The weather, I don't feel insecure on the streets, diversity, nobody looks at you weird if you are different (as a lot of tourists, I suppose), tolerance, people are most of the time pleasant, etc...
What do I dislike? bureaucracy... lol... But, I suppose that's everywhere the worst... 😂
Ah the weather factor! I can understand it as I do know how difficult it was to adapt to Denmark's climate. The sun can induce a positive mood just by being up in the sky throughout the day, it is something we can often take for granted.
Bureaucracy....I have no idea where on Earth we could go to escape that lol:))
Tolerance is huge. I would definely consider tourists as a factor of influence in that. If you go in a small village with few people you will be scrutinized, I guess this way of operating with novely is something inherent in every person regardless of nationality.
Children respond more to energy than to words so maybe the kindergarted needed to be filled with people who could "speak" better to children as in being more nice. I have seen my share of grumpy educators . I am glad to hear that now he is studying music and that you feel joy to know that you have overcome adversity in order to have a better life in Spain!
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I’m very happy that my wife and I stayed here in Canada .. we settled down and had a Family… with 2 kids now in University … we lived and worked in the US for 5 years and also went to School in Rome, Italy .. we thought about retiring in Italy… Rome, Tuscany or Sardinia but decided to stay here in Canada … we love the rugged Natural Landscape of the Great Lakes , Boreal Forest and long Winters and will slowly downsize to a small Cabin on Lake Superior in the next 5 years. Early Retirement thanks to Crypto blogging on Blurt and making short Films on YouTube. Kayaking, camping, and living off the grid.
Your comments sounds like you're living your dream life, harvesting the sweet fruits of hard labour done in youth. I am happy for you as your choices paved a better lifestyle for your children!