Always make it healthy

Competition becomes unhealthy when the drive to win or be better than others turns negative, harmful, or toxic to yourself, others, or the environment. It's not just about wanting to succeed (that's healthy); it's about how you go about it and why.

Whenever you feel like you are not meeting up to standard, all you have to do is ask yourself some questions like what you are not doing right, what is the best way I can get this right, and be successful like others instead of being jealous and bitter.

I remember when my cousin and I were in a very unhealthy competition, so unhealthy that we don't talk to this day, but we know how each person is doing in life. We don't call or text, but whenever we meet our parents, we ask about each other. We never check on each other.This stupid competition started between our mothers and escalated to us, the children.

So my cousin and I were supposed to be the best of friends because I have always loved him so dearly. However, I was one class ahead of him in school, but my aunt wasn't happy about it. So I was later made to go and stay with them.I didn't know that he was in a silent competition with me. Then my aunt dropped me from one class to be on the same level with her son. I wept, but we started in the same class. I was still unhappy about the whole scenario.

Then came this competition during our SS2, the principal announced that we would have a competition and anyone that comes out first to third will not pay school fees that term, and their WAEC will be free. Everybody was happy and eagerly waiting for the day.

But my aunt was making life unbearable. She wouldn't let me read. If she saw me sitting down to read, she would manufacture house chores for me just to distract me. I devised a means to read, and it was helpful until she found out. Guess what? She stopped me too. I tried to let her know, but she was dismissive.

After school, I won't come back but stay back and study very well because I already know what the outcome will be at home. Then, on the exam day, because of her, I was 10 minutes late. I thought that I had missed it, but guess what? The paper was just being handed out as I was arriving at school.

After the exams, we wait for the results to be announced. I was eagerly waiting until that day when my friend told me that the results were called out. Upon checking my own, I was the second person on the list and my cousin was at the bottom of the list. When we got home, my aunty was very angry but couldn't do anything about the results because it was not in her power to change them.

To make matters worse, I was promoted from SS 2 to SS 3. That's how I passed my cousin again in class. After that incident, I have always been in a quiet but loud competition with my cousin, to the extent that we started sabotaging each other just to win. We started feeling anxious and insecure around each other.

We no longer congratulate each other on our wins. It was hard for me to let go, but my cousin has refused to let go at all, no matter how many times I try to reach out. This competition has created a toxic environment in my family.

In fact, when I was still in that stupid competition, thank God I didn't have mental health problems like stress, depression, or burnout. If competition makes you better without hurting anyone, that's healthy. If it makes you bitter or pushes you to harm others or yourself, that's unhealthy competition. The constant comparisons damage my cousin's self-esteem because everybody now looks as if they are always in a competition with him.

Competition must not be all about you winning all the time; sometimes it's for you to make new connections and relearn what you have learned before.

Image is mine

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