The Emotional Expectations Of Manhood

Right from the very first day a baby boy is brought into this world, he is automatically groomed with words like "Don't do that, you are a man, Be strong etc. Even as a baby, the way he wails is apparently supposed to be quite different from the opposite gender and as he grows older the expectations become way worse. As society continues to force its standards on boys how to express their emotions, these words from their surroundings slowly evolve from just being ordinary words into mandatory values that are inscribed into their identity. These values become attached to the boy child in literally every phase of his life from his home right down to his peer groups.

Even as a kid the moment he shows any signs of tears, he is immediately reminded how this level of weakness is unbecoming of a man and crying is another level of failure both from the society to the boy and the boy to his society. Even if he is hurt, battered and bruised, he is not supposed to cry else every laughs at him for being a weakling so he is forced to bottle this feeling inside. This continues for years until the little boy grows into an adult with a heart trained to refrain from utilizing his tear glands by the society and yet this same standards that has told me all their lives to never express themselves in this type of way is also creating a movement encouraging men to be more open, expressive and even break down when the weight of their world comes crumbling down.... How do they expect this to work??? Will they ever truly acknowledge men if they act this way?? Does society really need this version of men??.

On the 17th of December last year, I linked up with an old friend from high school and we both discussed a whole lot of things primarily about how things were back in school. The conversation was something we both needed and during the course of it all, I decided to ask him about how hard it must have been for him to lose his father years ago. The response I got from him shows how heavy the pressure imposed on a lot of young men has messed them all up.

He told me how he could not cry after losing the most important person in his life at that period simply because he was now the man of the house being the first born son with three younger sisters who must oversee that everything runs smoothly (with extended family supervision/assistance ofcourse) since his mother and siblings could not do anything because the former was in no shape to do anything and the latter were all kids so he had to be strong for everyone. Mind you he was barely 15 but was unable to grief after such a life changing event. Even at his father's funeral, every expected him not to cry while his mother and sisters all wailed aggressively reaching out to him for comfort and till this day he hasn't truly let this whole phase out of his system but is still expected to move past it like it's nothing. His story rattled my very soul and I began to wonder how other men have stories like this to tell.

Men carry gigantic burdens in silence and are expected to do all this even when it overwhelms them.showinh any form of vulnerability is tagged as weakness but the fact still stands that they exist. Even though society doesn't want them to express themselves I still believe we are long past the era where men die early due to pent up emotional stress. Men can be expressive in their way to other men who truly get what they are going through and understand how best to navigate it all. Personally I have friends who I can speed dail whenever I feel like my world is about to implode and it's truly beautiful how well they can help me get through it without even putting much effort. A lot of men don't indulge women in this form of self expression because let's be honest, they never truly understand what we go through on a daily basis. I strongly stand for the LET MEN OPEN UP MOVEMENT but it should never be done in front of a woman (unless you truly believe she can help with losing you masculinity in the process) or in public as the world is not yet ready to see this becoming a norm yet. Thank you