Mommy's Mental Health - Chapter 32: The 20 year Highschool Reunion

So, I'm walking into the dreaded school grounds, heading towards the stairs of doom. I recognize everyone around me, but I'm the only one who's 38, naked, and has returned to grade 8 because I didn't finish school (I did, eventually). Before you call the cops, no I'm not wandering around high schools in the nude, but this is a recurring nightmare of mine. After joining the reunion chat (reluctantly and after some friendly badgering by @jasperdick) I've discovered that we are all stuck with almost the same nightmare! haha?

No, really, when I saw the invite on Facebook a few months ago, I was really like, no thanks absolutely fuck that. But then, a week or so ago, a WhatsApp group was started and I must just say that I have been completely blown away by the absolute raw emotional vulnerability people brought with them. Everyone started recording videos, some with people intermittently yelling at their dogs or children, most without makeup and everyone coming from the same space of fear and dread. It's been so immensely inspiring to hear everyone's story. Of course, it's a closed group, so I can only share mine:

Yeah man, high school was rough. I saw the best and worst of myself.

I went from this innocent young thing:

To this at the end of grade 8:

"I'll never forget that time I came home drunk AF from a Halloween house party at the age of 14.
Mum was working night duty.
Earlier in the evening I also jumped into the swimming pool after drinking a bottle of vodka, dressed in a ballgown complete with fairy wings and couldn't understand why I couldn't swim? My then-boyfriend fished me out of the pool and gave me a joint to warm me up.... Enter the greenies.
Some poor parent took me home but...
I couldn't unlock the door with my key so I used the small midget sized old fashioned garbage door (which was now where our washing machine lived) kicked the washing machine out of the way, climbed into my house, made it to the bathroom in time to speak to the big white telephone and then knocked myself out on the bottom of the basin when I tried to get up.
Fun times man. Fun times.
I was 14
My daughter is turning 16.
Good god I look at her every day and praise the freaking lord karma did not come to get me with this one.
My poor mother."

I mean, I laugh, but I also look at my teenage daughter now and I am genuinely filled with so much WTF.

Then the "dark year" happened, I dropped out and I was running a bar at the age of 15.

once again, wtf.

I left school and ran off with my biker boyfriend to become a rock star and man oh man did life NOT have that planned for me at all.

Now its 2 divorces and 20 years later, 23 for me since I dropped out half way through grade 9, and now I have to face all these brilliant people, most of them academic and highly successful and I feel like God fell asleep on the WTF button on his keyboard for my last two and a half decades. I mean like what a great time to be asked "So what are you doing with your life?" and I'll be like, "Well, I lost my job twice this year, my knee is fucked, my dad died and my hobbies are shitposting and popping ibuprophen but hey! How are you?"

At least I can say I'm proud of our music @jasperdick and I am so fucking lucky to have the most wonderful husband person, @zakludick and children in the world.

I do have some lovely friends who have offered to meet me in the parking lot and my fear of sitting alone under a tree has been somewhat abated.. but I'm still nervous.

Well, at least now we can drink wine on the field without getting detention or suspended 😂 pics to follow? I guess? Pray for my soul?