Mommy's Mental Health: Chapter 116 - Stopping to Smell the Roses, Letting Go of what I Can't Control and Choosing my Battles & Believing in a Little Magic

It was Valentine's day the other day. @zakludick always goes out of his way to make me feel loved and special.

Somehow, having this single stunning, long stem rose next to my bed, to bathe in it's beauty, has helped me through what has turned intro a pretty shitty time at work.

It reminds me that I, like the rose, can bloom unapologetically but I also need to protect my softness - which is why we have "thorns." Not to purposefully hurt, but to ward off predators. I feel like it's such a good analogy for where I am now.

Of course, I had to take some ridiculously cute photos of my Lexi with the rose!

Basically, my new position which was going so well, has taken a nosedive as I have uncovered information that makes certain people look bad and has made me public enemy number one. I can't help that I am good at my job. I cannot, however, treat this like any other employment situation, because @zakludick is employed there too, and any action I take, will have a direct impact on him and his relationship with the director who hired me, whether it is ethical or not.

I have to pull my punches. Even though I legally sit with a hand full of aces, I am not sure if it is worth playing them.

I had a terrifying meeting with the HR consultant and the director yesterday, which actually turned out to be... ok. Turnes out I am not going to loose my job. Not yet anyway. But my bran and body are defying logic and frankly, I am still a mess today.

I swapped my necklaces around yesterday.

And although I gave up on the esoteric decades ago, lot my interest in religion and unfortunately also lost connection with my spirituality.

However, I do believe that this stunning amethyst pendant, crafted for me by @zakludick, offered me protection yesterday.

My body is still holding so much tension though. I feel like I am riding the aftermath of a massive panic attack. I have felt incredibly triggered, considering the awful bosses I have had to deal with in the recent past, and I have had to be so careful to not allow that trauma to muddy the waters with my new employer.

I still feel... stuck... however. damned if I do and damned if I don't. All I can do is try to be gentle with myself and pray that the situation will resolve itself amicably.

Please say a little prayer for me <3

Here are some memes I found on Facebook that pretty much sum up how I am feeling: