Sapien Loop Short Stories: Let Me Entertain You (Part Two)

Within a few weeks, all of the entertainers’ requests were fulfilled. Ricardo invited Ginger and the other entertainers onto his show to present the future of entertainment.

Ricardo proudly strutted out on stage while his theme tune briefly played.

‘Do you dumb, ungrateful bastards like my new set?’ called out Ricardo as he sat down in his new large office chair behind his jazzy new desk.

The audience cheered loudly.

‘I need a volunteer to try out my new electric chair,’ said Ricardo as he pointed at the electric chair, which was set up on the opposite side of the stage.

Most of the audience raised their hands.

‘Dumbness is in abundance tonight,’ chuckled Ricardo as he pointed at someone in the audience. ‘You with the mop hairstyle, get up here.’

Ricardo’s assistants directed the audience member to the electric chair.

‘Tonight we have the most star-studded lineup ever,’ said Ricardo as his assistants began strapping the audience member into the chair. ‘First up, we have Mobius the Magician and Vector, a pervert who likes to play with dolls.’

Mobius and Vector, who was carrying Gillman, walked out together.

The audience cheered in joy.

Mobius sat in the hot seat nearest to Ricardo, and Vector sat next to him while placing Gillman on his lap.

‘We received new stuff, but you’re still carrying this old piece of wood with you,’ said Ricardo as he looked at Vector.

‘Some wood’s better than no wood, dipshit!’ shouted Gillman.

The audience member in the electric chair screamed in pain as he received a short sharp zap.

‘Sorry, I forgot to mention,’ said Ricardo as he pointed at the audience member in the electric chair. ‘Whenever someone says something inappropriate, Edna over there gets a nasty shock.’

‘My name’s Wilbur,’ shouted the audience member in the chair. Then he screamed again as he was shocked a second time.

‘Sorry, I don’t like to be corrected,’ chuckled Ricardo.

‘You’re a real loser!’ shouted Gillman.

Wilbur screamed in pain as he was shocked again.

‘Is that a new hat?’ asked Ricardo as he turned to Mobius.

‘Yes, it is, and so are these great baggy trousers,’ said Mobius as he raised his eyebrows up and down.

‘Well, what’s special about the hat?’ asked Ricardo as he leaned forward.

‘Well,’ said Mobius as he turned the hat upside. ‘It has this inside it.’

Mobius pulled a teddy Sape out of the hat.

‘Fantastic!’ said Ricardo as he pumped his fist.

Then he pulled a second, a third, a fourth, a fifth, a sixth, and a seventh teddy Sape from his hat.

The audience roared with laughter and applause.

‘Holy shit!’ shouted Gillman.

Wilbur screamed in pain again.

‘What else have you got in there?’ asked Ricardo excitedly.

‘It’s not a what; she’s a who,’ replied Mobius.

The audience gasped.

‘The freak keeps his girlfriend in his hat!’ shouted Gillman.

Mobius carefully pulled out a beautiful wooden puppet.

‘Here she is, as requested,’ said Mobius as he looked at Vector.

‘She’s beautiful,’ replied Vector in delight.

‘Hey, baby,’ said Gillman as he raised his eyebrows up and down.

‘Great; take him,’ said Vector as he handed Gillman to Mobius.

Gillman rattled off a dozen expletive comments as Mobius and Vector tried to force him into the hat. Wilbur was being shocked repeatedly. The lights in the studio began to flash.

‘Quick, get him out of the chair,’ shouted Ricardo as he stood up and pointed at Wilbur. ‘We don’t want to be sued by this moron.’

Ricardo’s assistants pulled Wilbur from the chair and then quickly dragged him backstage. Meanwhile, Mobius and Vector had succeeded in getting Gillman into the hat.

‘Great stuff,’ said Ricardo as he turned to face Vector, who was now holding his new puppet. ‘What’s this lovely lady’s name?’

‘My name is Juliet,’ said Juliet in a fake French accent. ‘I’m the new talent.’

‘Well, you’re much softer on the eyes than Gillman,’ chuckled Ricardo.

‘I’m like the new Linap,’ continued Juliet. ‘I’m better in every way.’

‘Of course, just like our little geniuses,’ said Ricardo in glee. ‘Well, they’ll be on later tonight.’

Ricardo’s theme tune began to play.

‘I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to move you along,’ said Ricardo. ‘We’ve got a lot of guests tonight. So everyone, give Vector, Mobius, and the lovely Juliet a warm round of applause.’

Mobius and Vector stood up and bowed as the audience applauded loudly. Then they headed backstage.

‘Does anyone else want to try out the electric chair?’ called out Ricardo to the audience as he walked to the front of the stage.

To his shock, almost everyone raised their hands.

‘You’re all morons, complete morons!’ shouted Ricardo. ‘Mop head almost died, and you want to volunteer for the same thing?’

The audience screamed, ‘Yes,’ and stomped their feet loudly.

‘You need to wait until next week,’ said Ricardo as he shrugged his shoulders. ‘We’re all juiced out.’

The audience groaned.

‘Next up,’ shouted Ricardo as he walked back to his desk. ‘We have Ex-Chief Waldo the Stupid and the action megastar Mickey…!’

Mickey sprinted out on stage and jumped onto Ricardo’s desk. ‘I am Tiberius!’ he shouted as he raised his hands above his head.

‘A quick preview of the almost certain-to-be-hit movie, “Tiberius”!’ shouted Ricardo.

‘Tiberius, Tiberius, Tiberius!’ chanted the audience as Waldo casually walked onto the stage to take his seat.

Mickey jumped off the desk and sat next to Waldo.

‘Hey, fatty,’ said Ricardo as he waved cheekily at Waldo.

‘Waldo, Waldo, Waldo!’ chanted the audience.

‘Hey, malnourished pauper,’ replied Waldo as he waved back at Ricardo.

The audience cheered at Waldo’s remark.

‘Shut up, losers!’ shouted Ricardo. ‘I earn more than all of you. High double digits! Can you even count that high?’

The audience became quiet.

‘It’s okay!’ said Mickey as he reached over and touched Ricardo’s hand. ‘Not everyone can be successful.’

‘So, Mickey,’ said Ricardo in a flat tone. ‘Do you do your own stunts, or do you let someone more athletic and courageous do them?’

‘I’m glad you asked,’ replied Mickey, nodding slightly. ‘My director wanted me to play it safe. I couldn’t do that. I needed to be true to the great character, hero, and now Governor Tiberius. If he could risk his life fighting real monsters. I can certainly take some chances fighting giant puppets and D-list actors.’

‘When you walked on stage, I was so impressed by your suntan,’ chuckled Ricardo as he pinched his nose. ‘It just dawned on me that it’s actually something else.’

The electric chair began to spark frantically.

The audience began to cheer as fart sounds blasted out of the speakers.

‘So Waldo, how are you contributing to the entertainment revolution?’ asked Ricardo.

‘The Waldo show is going strong,’ said Waldo as he tapped his chest. ‘I have a new musical, “Reaching the Divine”, and an exciting new documentary and comedy starring the Sapes of the zoo.’

‘Lucky for you, your audience is primarily children,’ said Ricardo as he turned sharply to face his audience. ‘You don’t have to put up with these freaks.’

‘Wrong again!’ said Waldo, swinging his arm enthusiastically. ‘I have a mixed audience. The children and their parents attend my live performances at the zoo. The musical is for an audience who appreciate fine arts rather than crude humour. I expect the documentary comedy will be loved by all.’

‘Hey, hark at him,’ chuckled Ricardo. ‘A guy who could have been chief for life decided to have an election because he thought he was so… popular. Then he lost in embarrassing fashion.’

The audience remained silent.

‘Come on, you bastards!’ shouted Ricardo. ‘How can you not laugh at jester boy?’

Waldo got up from his seat and walked towards the audience. ‘No doubt, I enjoyed my time as chief,’ said Waldo as he got down on one knee and dramatically raised his right arm. ‘Alas, my real calling is the arts; I knew that when I was just a young boy. To the delight of all my friends, I would play with my self-made sock puppets. The cheers and the laughter would echo through my body and invigorate my soul.’

‘The “friends” your parents paid to play with you because you were such a loser,’ called out Ricardo.

‘Now children and their parents pay and line up for hours to watch my shows,’ said Waldo as he smiled at the audience and then turned and smiled at Ricardo.

‘Waldo, Waldo, Waldo!’ chanted the audience.

‘Would all of you like to see a clip from my documentary comedy?’ Waldo asked the audience.

‘Yes, we do! Yes, we do! Yes, we do!’ shouted the audience

‘No, that’s not happening; it’s my show!’ shouted Ricardo.

The curtains behind Ricardo opened to reveal a large screen. The screen flashed on. A video showing the Head Philosopher and Head Theologist kissing inside the sacred temple appeared on the screen.

Ricardo and Mickey joined Waldo at the front of the stage, and the three of them began dancing as music blared aloud. The audience roared with laughter.

The clip ended, and the music stopped. ‘Thank you, Waldo,’ shouted Ricardo. ‘Thank you, Mickey.'

To the continued cheer of the audience, Waldo and Mickey made their way off stage.

'Just for quick clarification, that was a clip from Waldo’s new musical and not the documentary,' chuckled Ricardo. 'We’ll show you a clip from the documentary comedy after the show.'

‘Up next we have Jeff Yensid, the owner of the Pound Ball League, and singing sensation Delilah,’ said Ricardo as he moonwalked back to his desk.

Ricardo’s theme tune began to play as Jeff and Delilah walked out on stage and sat in the hot seats.

‘Hey Jeff, what’s happening with Pound Ball this year?’ asked Ricardo.

‘It’s going to be an exciting season,’ said Jeff. ‘Lots of young players are ready to prove themselves.’

‘There’ve been some jokes about me being short on cash,’ whispered Ricardo. ‘I would appreciate it if you could tell me the winners of every game so I can be as wealthy as my guests.’

‘How would I know that!’ exclaimed Jeff.

‘Take a look at the script,’ whispered Ricardo as he held his hand up to his face.

‘Just bet it on the Priests!’ shouted Delilah as she jumped up from her seat. She pranced to the front of the stage as her dancers, who were dressed up as Pound Ball players, joined her.

The music to her new song blared out. She sang as her dancers performed behind her. This continued for around three minutes. When the song ended, the dancers left the stage, and Delilah returned to the hot seat.

‘So did you morons get a little hint about how you should bet this season?’ asked Ricardo as he repeatedly winked at the audience.

‘Just to clarify,’ said Jeff nervously. ‘Everything you see on the field is real and occurs organically.’

‘It’s just like wrestling, right?’ said Ricardo calmly.

‘Yes, but better,’ said Jeff. ‘It’s the ultimate leader in sports entertainment.’

‘Also the ultimate leader in collapsing buildings and automatic doors that won’t unlock,’ gasped Ricardo.

‘Too soon, too soon,’ said Jeff as he raised his hands slightly.

‘Did you feel that?’ shouted Ricardo. ‘I think the building’s shaking.’

Several in the audience began to panic.

‘Calm down; I’m only joking,’ said Ricardo in an annoyed tone.

The audience began to jeer angrily.

‘The stadiums are perfectly safe,’ said Jeff. ‘We only sell to 90% of the old capacity. We have removed all automated doors and plexiglass. On top of that, the real perpetrator, Hadrian Alset, is locked up in prison. The stadiums are now safer than your own home.’

‘Besides, you don’t get me performing live in your own home,’ chimed in Delilah.

‘You heard them, losers!’ shouted Ricardo as he turned to the audience. ‘Get out of your death-trap shithole of a home and ride an angry Sape to the local stadium where you can watch a Pound Ball game with a bunch of other idiots that you’ll never have the misfortune of seeing again.’

‘Pound Ball! Pound Ball! Pound Ball!’ chanted the audience.

Ricardo’s theme tune began to play. Jeff and Delilah stood up, shook hands with Ricardo, and then left the stage.

‘It’s now time for our final guests,’ said Ricardo as he walked to the front of the stage. ‘Ginger and her two genius sons are back, and they will be joined by Serena Wolf, a talented independent journalist.’

Ricardo’s theme tune played, and Duffo and Marlon rode out on their tricycles. A few moments later, Ginger and Serena walked out on stage to take their places.

‘What great balance,’ remarked Ricardo as the music stopped.

‘Of course, we have superpowers!’ shouted Duffo as he performed a front wheel stoppie. ‘I bet you can’t do that.’

‘Hahaha, I guess not,’ replied Ricardo.

Duffo and Marlon got off the tricycles and sat on the floor in front of Ginger, and Ricardo slid across his desk back to his chair.

‘Am I correct in saying that you’re at the heart of this entertainment revolution?’ Ricardo asked Ginger as he leaned forward on his desk.

‘Advisor Sanguine has given me the important role of managing the entertainment action team, which is leading this revolution,’ said Ginger proudly.

‘Looks like you do it all,’ remarked Ricardo. ‘You’re a famous singer, entertainment manager, and, more importantly, the mother to these two geniuses.’

The audience clapped.

‘Damn right!’ shouted Ricardo as he turned to the audience. ‘You useless bastards think breathing and putting on your shoes is multitasking.’

‘You’re not special like me!’ shouted Duffo.

‘Do us all a favour and get with the programme!’ shouted Ricardo at the audience. ‘Have children like him and then kill yourselves!’

The sound from the audience was reduced to a quiet murmur.

‘I’m sorry about them,’ said Ricardo, calmly as he turned to face Ginger. ‘Please, tell us more about this action team you’re managing.’

‘Entertainment has become a huge part of lives,’ said Ginger. ‘Technology has made it incredibly easy and affordable to access.’

‘I’m thinking about all those hopeless morons slumped on their couches watching this show because they’re too lazy to press a button on a remote,’ sneered Ricardo as he glared at the camera. ‘It really sickens me.’

‘Our aim is to merge entertainment and education,’ said Ginger. ‘Everyone will be having fun and learning at the same time. Look at how entertaining and educational tonight’s show has been.’

Ricardo began slamming his face into his desk.

‘Are you okay?’ asked Ginger.

‘Sorry about that,’ replied Ricardo. ‘For some strange reason your response caused me to have a mini seizure.’

Duffo and Marlon began headbutting each other.

‘See, you have the power to influence geniuses,’ said Ginger as she pulled the boys apart. ‘Proof that what we’re doing is working.’

‘Geniuses can be educated, but this lot…’ shouted Ricardo as he turned to the audience. ‘They need brain transplants.’

The audience began to applaud enthusiastically.

‘Admittedly, some of this generation might be beyond help,’ said Ginger as she looked at the audience. ‘As you know, things are changing. The next generation of Linap are geniuses. These two boys are proof of the success of the genetic upgrade.’

‘That fills me with joy,’ said Ricardo as he raised his hands and clenched his fists. ‘I have long dreamed of an audience that could actually think for themselves.’

‘Excuse me, I’m a surgeon,’ called out someone from the audience.

‘I’m a senior financier at the Economic Institute,’ called out another.

‘Just shut up!’ shouted Ricardo. ‘This is my show. Interrupt me again, and I’ll have you beaten up.’

The audience softly groaned.

‘Dear Serena, I have not forgotten about you,’ said Ricardo in a polite tone. ‘Please tell us about the change in direction of journalism.’

‘Thank you, Ricardo,’ said Serena. ‘The key change is focus. News has not been popular because it’s boring and seems mostly irrelevant. The news I bring will be 100% relevant to everyone. The viewers will almost be afraid to miss watching it because it’ll be so relevant to them.’

‘Wow!’ exclaimed Ricardo. ‘That sounds powerful.’

‘Our great Governor Tiberius is incredibly proactive and transparent,’ said Serena. ‘He or his team will frequently make important announcements, and I’ll break it down for everyone. I’ve also been given exclusive rights to give interviews to his team. In most cases, that’ll be Advisor Sanguine.’

‘Sounds a little serious for a show like this,’ chuckled Ricardo as he honked his horn.

‘I’ll be covering the entertainment world too,’ said Serena as she reached out and touched Ricardo’s hand. ‘I’ll help break down and reinforce the lessons taught in your amazing shows.’

Ricardo burst out laughing as he frantically honked the horn.

‘I have an important personal announcement I’d like to make,’ said Serena, smiling slightly. ‘I’m having a baby. A genetically upgraded baby, just like the boys. But she’ll be a girl; I’m calling her Maskameera.’

‘I’ll always be the first!’ shouted Duffo as he stuck his tongue out.

‘Okay, who’s the father?’ asked Ricardo as he leaned forward on his desk.

‘My husband, of course,’ replied Serena angrily. ‘What kind of question is that?’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ chuckled Ricardo. ‘My audience are brain dead. They won’t get that I was implying you’re a mega slut.’

The audience remained silent.

‘Well, that’s a relief, isn’t it?’ sneered Serena.

Ricardo clanged his cymbals hard.

‘Do you mind?’ asked Serena. ‘I have a serious message now.’

‘Go ahead,’ said Ricardo in a serious tone as he sat up straight.

‘Our society is changing,’ said Serena. ‘We are moving from Sapey to Sapia. Our brilliant children will lead this shift. Our main task is to nurture their brilliance. Let them know they are our betters.’

‘Well said!’ exclaimed Ricardo as he stood up and applauded.

‘Not playing your role in this should be a crime,’ said Serena firmly. ‘If you refuse to have your own little geniuses, it is only right you serve the Linap who are playing their part.’

‘Only a real bastard would choose not to have their own genius child,’ remarked Ricardo as he quickly glanced at the audience.

‘Are your boys your number one priority?’ asked Serena as she turned to Ginger.

‘So much so that our Governor Tiberius has volunteered to be a father figure in their lives,’ said Ginger as she smiled slightly at Serena.

‘Looks like we’ve reached the end of the show!’ announced Ricardo as he hopped over his desk. ‘I want to thank all our amazing guests.’

The theme music began to play. Ginger picked up her two boys, and she and Serena walked to the front of the stage. Jeff, Delilah, Waldo, Mickey, Mobius, Wilbur, and Vector, who was carrying both Gillman and Juliet, joined them.

A clip of Waldo’s new documentary comedy began to play on the big screen behind them as they all locked arms and began singing and dancing to the music.

Meanwhile in the palace, Sanguine and his son, Governor Tiberius, were watching the show in the media room.

‘They’re all insane,’ said Tiberius as he dragged his hands down his face.

‘This is what I call entertainment with a message,’ said Sanguine proudly. ‘If we keep up our delivery, you’ll be governor for life.’

‘Why can’t we just cancel elections and I be a dictator like you used to be?’ asked Tiberius in a frustrated tone.

‘Chief Waldo the Third turned this country into a democracy,’ chuckled Sanguine. ‘The rules have changed, and I even surprise myself when I say this, but I think it’s actually for the better.’

Tiberius stared angrily at Sanguine and then turned to watch the television. Waldo was now dancing with Gillman.

‘If Rundo was alive…’ said Tiberius.

‘We would still be stuck in the frigid north,’ interrupted Sanguine.

‘You are the master of capitalising on every opportunity,’ replied Tiberius as he glanced at Sanguine. ‘That’s why I keep you around.’

‘Of course,’ mumbled Sanguine as they both turned their attention to the show.

The guests were now taking turns in the electric chair. The clip from Waldo’s musical was playing again on the screen behind them.

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Images were created with the help of Peakd Image Generator

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Sapien Loop Short Stories

Sapien Loop short stories explore the adventures of some of the characters from the Sapien Loop series. These stories are intended to reveal more about individual characters and the events that have helped shape them.

Currently, two books from the series have been published on Amazon; see links below:

• Sapien Loop: End of an Era
• Sapien Loop: Frozen in Time

All individual chapters can be found on my @captainhive account.

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