When I have nothing to write …
open the windows and sleep
to the sounds of night.
to write, I tell myself to
look more carefully.
its head on its paws, watches
me without interest.
the fields are flooded, and the
land mirrors the sky.
strange things like, What sound do men
make in the kitchen?
I must pour my own sake,
as the sky brightens.
in the air, and suddenly
I’m transported back.
0
0
0.000
Sake or beer alone in the park as we enjoy the peace is one of life's small pleasures.
More great ones, man. You really have a gift for haiku!
I appreciate the encouragement. As for having a gift, I’ll have to take your word for it.
With the sake poem, I wanted to hint at being the last one out after a long night of drinking. The reader would have to be familiar with Japanese culture to get that, but I wonder if that came across to you in any way.
Traditionally, someone pours your drinks for you, but if there is no one left, you have to pour your drinks yourself.
Maybe if I began the poem with sitting in a park instead of alone in a park, that would be more clear. I don’t know. At any rate, I wanted to emphasis the idea of being alone and toy with its connections to loneliness.
Some of the ideas in this poem were inspired by one of your posts, the one that talked about haiku writers making references to earlier haiku, and the example you included that said something like and now I am alone.
On another note, do you know why English haiku are written in three lines instead of in a single line the way Japanese haiku are written? I’m curious who started that tradition and the reason for why.
I really like to play with the line breaks and the word counts within each line, but if I had to write the same poems in a single line, I would never be able to get the counts right, or be able to play with meanings the way that I think I am.
I didn't get all of what you were going for. I took it as just drinking all night in the park, pouring your own drink because no one was there to pour for you. But now that you explain it, I can absolutely see your vision.
I don't know if you need to change any of the words. To people unfamiliar with Japan culture it would be impossible to get across without a footnote. There isn't really enough room in a haiku to set it up better. I think in a typical Japanese haiku, this haiku would be preceded with a headnote to set the scene. Something like "After the drinking party". Not all haiku have headnotes, but many do when they want to set the scene or mood. You know how much shorter haiku are in Japanese than in English. Sometimes all you have is room for a word or two. That's probably what gave rise to the tradition of using a headnote.
Since you mention the loneliness callback from Santōka to Hōsai, maybe another callback to that famous Hōsai haiku will be of interest to you. Hino Sojo, an interesting fellow who once shocked the haiku world with his free-form haiku, wrote: 初霜やひとりの咳はおのれ聴く. Not quite as obvious in the callback as Santōka was, but still pretty clear I think. I'm probably translate that as something like "first frost— / I cough alone, and / hear it alone"
I'm not sure who started the 3 line tradition. It may have been Blyth. He was a British teacher who moved here shortly after the First World War I think and stayed all his life. He was extremely influential. He helped draft Hirohito's speech where he renounced his divinity and then he went on to be tutor to Akihito. He loved haiku and wrote a number of books on them in the 40s and 50s which really influenced how haiku were seen in the West. I believe it was from him that the Beats took to haiku (especially Ginberg and Kerouac), but I could be wrong.
Anyway, before Blyth some translators used the pre-Shiki name "hokku" instead of "haiku" and then experimented with lines. Some used one line as the Japanese, some used two, some up to four. Blyth is really the guy who standardized it, I think. I'm sure he settled on three to try to mimic the structure of the Japanese. Since English syllables can be of varying lengths unlike Japanese mora, we can't really "hear" the three clauses in English like we can in Japanese, so line breaks help us find them more easily.
I often find with writing, and especially with these poems, that the ideas I begin with and even sometimes hold onto in the hopes that the reader might pick them up get left behind or become something else in the process of writing.
I’m a big believer in the kill your darlings school of writing. I figured it would be impossible for anyone who hasn’t lived in Japan to pick up on my thought process, but I wondered if the thought might occur to someone like you who has lived here for so long.
In the end, we never really know how I reader is going to make meaning from our writing, so it’s okay.
Making a “head note” is an interesting idea. I might try playing with that in the future.
In the Sono haiku that you shared, I see how the や creates a pause to visualize the first frost and also fills the count out like you said. That’s a nice poem.
I’ll try to look into Blyth a little. I can’t imagine how people like him came here at the turn of last century and learned the language. It must have been a real challenge working with old dictionary and the handwritten documents of the time.
If you are interested, I have Blyth's main haiku books on pdf. I can put them on Dropbox or somewhere for you to get. They are long out of print and his Japanese publisher has no interest in rereleasing them so if you want to buy them they go for something like $100+ on the collectable market. I got them from a haiku group. Whoever scanned them didn't do the best of jobs, but it's enough to read them. Blyth also had a huge interest in Zen (in fact, he was one of the inspirations to Alan Watts) and published books on that. He managed to do all this research and writing while he was a teacher at Tokyo university. I share your amazement that someone who learn the language so well in the old days with the old resources.
Yeah, that would be awesome. Share the Dropbox link with me in Discord.
This is the best Haiku I have read today. I like how you use to talk about simple, yet profound observations of the world around us which reminds me to appreciate the small things and the things that we often take for granted in life. Thank you for sharing 😊.
I’m glad that you enjoyed them and were able to get something from them. Thanks for stopping by.
Hello @boxcarblue , I see what you do when you have nothing to write about, it is fantastic what you have managed to do with such simplicity and complexity at the same time, I have allowed myself to analyze each one of your haiku, so I will tell you what I saw in each one of them:
They are all beautiful haiku that capture different moments and emotions. Here are my thoughts on each haiku:
The first haiku evokes a sense of peace and relaxation. The idea of sleeping with the sounds of night and the windows open is a refreshing image after a long day.
The second haiku is a great reminder to take a closer look at things when you feel stuck. Even the smallest details can inspire something new.
The third haiku captures the essence of dogs and how they can be content to watch the world go by without judgment. It's a nice reminder to slow down and appreciate the little things.
The fourth haiku beautifully illustrates the connection between nature and the changing of the seasons. Even in flooded fields beauty can be found.
The fifth haiku is playful and fun. It is interesting to think about what kind of sounds men make in the kitchen, and the haiku makes me want to know more about the speaker's grandmother.
The sixth haiku is my favorite. It's a lovely image of being alone in a park and enjoying one's company with a drink. The contrast between the darkness and the brightness of the sky enhances the moment.
The last haiku is nostalgic and invokes the power of scents to transport someone back in time. It is a relatable sentiment and a reminder of how our senses can have a profound impact on our memories. Taken together, these haiku demonstrate the beauty and power of simplicity in poetry.
Well done poet. I take my hat off to you as a poet and to your brilliant and genius simplicity in creating these seven wonders.
Thank you so much for sharing quality poetry
Best regards
Wow. You’ve analyzed all of my poems, and in a very clear and direct way. Thank you.
These are a short nice poem that leaves you thinking out loud, especially poem 5.
Thanks, @amiegeoffrey. Did you come up with an answer for poem number 5?
I just fucking love these! Not very eloquent but very enthusiastic! 👀
You sure you're not some esteemed famous poet?!
Enthusiastic. That seems like an interesting word for these poems.
Yeah, I’m sure that I’m not an anybody in the poetry world. If you somehow want to make me a somebody in the poetry world, I think that would be okay with me. Who knows, though, I might not be happy about it later on. 😉
If you want to link to anything that I’ve written, feel free to.
These poems are scattered across posts. I guess those posts are all easy enough to find, but if you want to see them all in one place, I started posting them on Instagram too.
I can share the QR code with you if you like.
Good lord and I missed this one too.
OMG. Do I even have to type this again. Using mobile app to answer comments during loadshedding blah blah interface missed a whole ton blah blah just found this now on Engage.
I'm so sorry I missed this! :/
Awesome sauce. I will do that re adding to the website.
Isn't that the burning question though. :D I guess everything has it's perks and it cost. I'd say maybe decide what the end goal is? if you wanna be famous to be noticed then I think that may suck eggs after a while when you realise it doesn't fix how you feel.
Rocket Man
Bohemian Rhapsody
I walk the Line
....
it goes on!
If you want to be noticed because you have stuff to share to change the world then that helps. But... *sigh... is it worth the exchange? :/
And when you go deeper down the rabbit hole is it even worth bothering? Or is it just as it is and this is how it is and that's all so why fight it? Let it be maybe... ? Hmmmm... wish someone would tell me so I could get on with things :D
I'm not on Instagram. Sorry. Thought about signing up but no thanks. On Twitter now but only really for POSH and to promote Hive.
Using Fakebook a bit again but really as an art feed as well. Hmmm... tempting to follow you but more admin.
Well, if you ever want to see those poems all in one place, just search for i.write.haiku and Instagram, and the account should come up.
Yeah, if a person wants to be famous, then I think he/she is, probably nine times out of time, asking for trouble. If a person just wants to be him/herself and happens to become famous, it might be nice. I think a lot would depend on how much people obsess over you and how much people respect your privacy.
I have a close friend who moves in very swanky circles. It’s interesting to spend time with him and hear his stories about turning down dinner offers with the lead singer of The Strokes because he was too tired after work.
On the one hand, it’s like, you had an opportunity like that and you didn’t take it? And on the other hand, it’s like, yeah, that makes perfect sense. Why spend time with some famous dude that you don’t know very well when you can go home and relax with your wife and kid.
I’ve got seven more haiku up on Hive if you’re interested.
Like that 😆
People are people. Wish we'd just get over ourselves now!
Poor famous guy probably wishes people would so he could relax too.
On to read you. Been busy making today.
No to Insta. Sorry :( But if you want to stick a website up it's super easy these days. I may be redundant soon. Maybe already 👀
A website is a good idea.
I wasn’t trying to nudge you to join or use Instagram, I was just saying that if you ever want to find the poems all in one place, you can Google the account and look at the posts without using or joining the app.
At least, I think you can.
But yeah, one of these days, a website would do the trick.
Oh? Cool!
Copy that then :)
Sorry for radio silence. I've been contemplating and writing. It takes me a loooooong time! 🙄
brb!
Until then. ❤️ 😀
Can I add a link to you from my website?