Honor the Living, Not the Dead

Yesterday I had to make a very bittersweet decision. I made the decision to Unfollow a mom influencer that I have watched for 2 years.

A bit of context...

I first Followed this mother because she had lost her 4-year-old daughter to brain cancer. I was very moved by her story, heartbroken that such a happy, beautiful girl had been taken so viciously... I felt so connected to this family that I even dedicated some artwork to her.

(One of the colorings I did for her daughter: https://www.instagram.com/p/DIDTxAIMMbb/?igsh=MXhwNGJsa2IxNW0xMA==)

Then, I felt even more connected when we both conceived a child at the same time. Literally identical birth weeks -- what are the chances?! 😄 Unfortunately, I went on to have a miscarriage at 18-weeks, our first son... Her pregnancy is still going strong, about 27-weeks, and she's also expecting a boy. Again, what are the chances?...

(Our little boy that we lost 🥺 This was him at 9-weeks...)

I personally had to Unfollow because I could not continue to let envy steal my joy. Of course I am happy for her and wish her all the best on her journey 🙏 But I cannot continue to watch as her impending due date approaches, knowing that I should be having a baby at the same time... and I'm not. My issue isn't hers to bear, so I distanced myself in the meantime.

But more than that, I felt God speaking to me as well. God tells us, by all means, to honor our deceased members: we bury them, we mourn together, and we remember the life that they lived on this earth. However, He was also very explicit in telling us not to worship the dead, especially through prayer.

"... or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you." (Deuteronomy 18:11-12)

I believe that there is something to be said for the usage of the words "to" and "for" in this context. We have always been able to pray FOR people: pray for their healing, for their guidance, that they may find God, etc. However, it is still praying to God for such things; God hears our prayers.

Praying TO the dead, therefore, is something else: asking for signs, for protection, for blessings. Not only can the dead NOT hear these prayers, but they cannot answer them either; only God can. So, similar to false idolatry, praying to the dead is a sin.

The mother that I Followed is Mexican, so she does the whole "worshipping the dead" thing: she has an "altar" set up in her house for her deceased daughter, with all of her favorite food and toys. The mother suffered a miscarriage at 15-weeks last year, and she believes that not only did her daughter "play a part" in sending down her siblings, but she believes her daughter is "protecting" that baby in Heaven (despite the fact she does not believe in God, ON TOP of all of this 🙄😩). The mother named her daughter Luna (moon in Spanish), so to an extent, she is almost worshipping the moon, asking it/"her daughter" to send her signs.

(The altar that she has set up for her two daughters -- yes, including the one she lost to miscarriage. The picture frames were honoring other cancer victims: https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1ZsWiPNs3L/)

Now, obviously this could all be easier said than done; I have never experienced child loss, so I cannot speak on the matter. But we have all encountered grief in one way or another. We can acknowledge our feelings, and cry, or scream, or be angry with the state of this world... But we can also pray to God and ask that He watch over our loved ones, both living and dead.

It is okay to miss them, but we should never reach that point in our grief where we live for the dead more than we enjoy living life. Jesus committed the ultimate act -- dying for us -- so that we may be reunited and have eternal life with Him. After all, our lives on earth are but a breath. Continue to live for God! 🙏✝️💛

(Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ascension_of_Jesus)