A Song That Always Makes Me Cry - To Build A Home

The song is called To Build A Home by The Cinematic Orchestra

This song has been in my playlist for several years now; in fact it's probably been a decade now! 🙏 Although I cannot remember the exact circumstances, I was scrolling on Tumblr (I am not on there anymore, don't worry! 😅), and a user had shared a Harry Potter fan video. The video itself was beautiful, and I saved it simply for the intent of watching it over and over again! Yet overtime I began to clue into the song -- the lyrics -- playing in the background...

I have never known a "home." My parents divorced when I was 3-years-old, and as if growing up in broken households wasn't difficult enough, my time spent in them was extremely traumatizing. My entire life was a storm, and I needed desperately to hold onto something, something that could pull me back to shore...

That "something" manifested into toxic relationships; I tried to escape my "home" by setting up in another's. The first home belonged to an alcoholic who punched holes in the walls. The second was an addict who would hide away in a room -- hide from his daughter -- to smoke. I would listen to this song, sobbing, broken each time that my dreams -- my home -- were shattered. Furiously pining for a sanctuary of my own.

Then I found my home... I met my husband, and together we have welcomed two beautiful children into the world (thus far! 😏). I can literally feel the home we are creating every time I feel one of our babies thriving inside of me during pregnancy. I would love nothing more than to "return to dust," to die with this man.

(Image created using an AI art generator on Night Cafe)

So the part that absolutely breaks me every time:

By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top

I climbed the tree to see the world

My voice is literally trembling by this part:

When the gusts came around to blow me down

Held on as tightly as you held on me

Naturally one can assume that this entire song -- the house with its tree -- is a metaphor for a "dying" relationship, whether literally ('til death do us part) or again metaphorically (growing apart). The "top of the tree" is the peak of the relationship; the "gusts" are the hardships that come afterwards, as the couple attempt to hold onto each other until it passes.

But for me, it hits very personally... Because in my childhood home, in our backyard, there was an enormous maple tree! I can envision my child-self climbing to the top of the tree, so excited to see the world, because it had not yet been tainted for me. Then experiencing the gust, trying to hold on, alone, and I think it hits me that no one ever held onto me; I didn't have anyone.

Aside from that, everything about the song is a masterpiece. The alternation between soft and powerful piano chords, the melancholic strings, the way the tempo quickens and you immediately feel more upbeat! Then it lulls you back into the slow calm... It is a very emotional song.

And more so than that -- how fitting it is, that I discovered this song through a Harry Potter video, a character that I cannot help but identify and emphasize with. He found his home in the end, and I am grateful to have found mine as well 😃

(Source: https://www.fanpop.com/clubs/draco-malfoy/images/31173361/title/draco-malfoy-photo)

(Of course I had to include a gif. of Malfoy doing his infamous, "PPPotter! 😠")