A Shattered Heart: My Journey Through Depression

I am sure I once knew what it feels like to have a broken heart and it never, ever occurred to me how truly crippling that kind of hurt can be. It has been years the disaster struck and yet I am still alive to remind me of what I have lost.

It began when the girl I used to be in a relationship with became pregnant for another man’s child. That is the feeling one gets when a news breaks in a negative way and really empties one’s chest by breaking the heart into pieces. I was dumbstruck, a ball of pain in my stomach that made it very hard for me to even draw breath.

I had what some people consider pure passion for her and such passion was overwhelming. I believed we had our future ahead of us and then suddenly all the dreams we had for the future were taken away. I asked myself questions as to why she would do this to me.

The pain was always present, a pain that would not go away. I was simply overwhelmed and lost in a rather hopeless situation that didn’t seem to have any clear and possible way of escape. Following the routine with my students, friends and family, the things I was previously passionate about somehow became irrelevant to me.

That’s when the depression came, slowly and steadily, without my knowledge it took away the things most precious to me, happiness, desire to do anything, and the will to live. Sorrows seemed to rise from the depths and a voice said in my ear Let down your mate. ‘You are not good enough,’ “You will never find love again,” ‘You are worthless,’ ’ I accepted the thoughts that were told to me in that ‘ I ’, and little was I to know that I was being locked up in my head.

I isolated myself off from all my friends and family; I could not face the world anymore because my relationship with the lady was an open one. I sometimes would feel like a failure and one who was stripped off all those things that are dear to life. I started questioning myself if I am deserve to be loved or not.

But as the months went by, I realized that I can't stay stuck in darkness forever. I needed help, and so I reached out to a to a friend. With his guidance, I began to unravel the tangled threads of my past.

I learned to confront the pain head on, to acknowledge the hurt and the anger. I practiced self compassion, reminding myself that I wasn't alone, that I was worthy of love and care.

It wasn't easy, but slowly, the darkness began to recede. I started to see a glimmer of hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. I realized that I had a choice to let the heartbreak define me or to use it as an opportunity for growth.

I started to focus on myself, to rediscover the things that brought me joy. I reconnected with old friends, made new ones, and started exploring new hobbies.

The journey was long, but I emerged stronger, wiser, and more resilient. I learned that heartbreak is not the end, but a new beginning. I learned that love is not limited, that there's always room for more.

I learnt to live with the pain and more so to face it, to admit that there is pain and anger. Though, there is self compassion, with the messages that ‘you are not alone,’ and ‘it is okay to treat yourself with kindness’ engraved into my mind.

There was conflict a great internal war within me but gradually, the dark screen faded away.

To all those suffering depression and failed relationships write, you are not alone in this world. There is hope for wholeness, for change. Do not be shy to call, to ask for assist. You are worthy of love, of care, of compassion. My dear, your book is not closed yet, your life is still continuing, there are still pages to turn, there is still beauty to be seen.